love you long time

call with Jess

2012-01-26T11:50:00.001-07:00

My sister Jessica was able to call me two days ago from the airport on her way to Lithuania. It was so strange hearing her voice after three months of being away. It was so familiar, but in a lot of ways so different. I thought there would be too many things to say - too many emotions to express, but it was actually so normal which I loved more than anything. It's like she hasn't been gone at all and we were just having a quick chat to catch up.

We talked about Kevin's new job, about his med school interviews, about what was going on with the kids at church. She told me about her roommates and her flight so far, and about the food at the airport. She told me she was afraid a little bit about moving to this foreign place but then said quickly, "I'm trying to stop thinking about fear, because fear is not of God" and I remembered what I had to tell myself three months ago when she left. That sometimes courage is saying goodbye to someone else you love who is doing something hard - shared courage.

She spoke a few minutes in Lithuanian to me. The language sounds so smooth and liquid and in some ways reminded me of Parseltongue :) So many "S" sounds, with long, flowing words. It sounded so beautiful the way she spoke it - I wished I could understand what she said and then I realized that she would be speaking it to people who do understand. The message they need to hear the most in their own, native language and I said a prayer in my heart that they would listen.

We didn't cry like I thought we would, because I was trying to be brave and she is always more brave but I cried after we hung up because I didn't know it was possible to miss someone with this same heartbreaking urgency. Then I thought about her hanging up the payphone with tears in her eyes which made me me cry more.

The missing is not the thing that pains, but the love. One thing I have learned from this experience so far is that love is hard but it is so good. It is the best thing.

(Jess and I two summers ago in Connecticut)

Insta - Life - January

2012-01-23T12:20:00.003-07:00

Kevin and I consider ourselves pretty lucky so far this year. We live in gorgeous Utah, both have jobs we love, and got to spend the month of January with the people we love the most since Kevin's dad is here from Ohio, and my sisters and their kids came to visit from Tennessee and North Carolina.

January is typically a dreary, sad month for me since December is full of so much action and joy but I can safely say that if the rest of my year goes as well as January has for me, 2012 will be a pretty great year.

p.s. if you have instagram follow me @mvoisin so I can follow you. It is definitely my favorite thing about having an iPhone - being able to capture small moments like my mom helping my sister with times tables by the fire and the beautiful January sunsets Utah offers us.

Being a Mormon

2012-01-20T11:24:00.000-07:00

When I was a sophomore in High School, my American Studies class studied the Transcendentalists. My friend Ashley and I - (always kindred spirits), agreed that if we were not Mormons we would definitely be Transcendentalists. Reading this quote from Emerson's Self Reliance changed my life - " Is it so bad, then, to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh. To be great is to be misunderstood."

I felt misunderstood then - as does probably every High School girl, and I felt so inspired by the Transcendentalist's. Their quest for truth through thought and nature was beautiful in a new way.

Then in college I took a class about Judaism and this was our text book. (Which does not read by a textbook at all.) It explained Judaism clearly and concisely and actually - very beautifully. My appreciation for the Jewish culture expanded and I began to really appreciate the history of this sacred and devoted people. Wouk says that his work is, "For people who have at least an open mind on God, and who would like to know something about the Jewish way to him." While reading I often thought to myself - if I were not Mormon, I would convert to Judaism.

I was thinking about both of these experiences on my long commute to work. About Transcendentalism, about Judaism - about Mormonism. It seems like every day I see a new article on Mormonism (many having to do with my friend Mitt). There seem to be a lot of people lately who have a lot to say about my religion. In some ways I think it is wonderful and it some ways I feel much like Emerson - - that we as a people are terribly misunderstood. That we are seen as maybe something we are not. The thing is though, I am not a Transcendentalist. I am not a Jew. I am a Mormon - and I am a Mormon very consciously, despite having been raised one.

I have explored other faiths, I have studied them and I find truth and beauty in almost all of them. In a time where many are afraid of religion or perhaps merely apathetic to God, I find need for Him more than ever. Wouk's title, "This is My God" is very appropriate for this time where Mormons seem to be misunderstood and sometimes judged because of "Our God." We get to choose our God and I have chosen mine decisively and resoundingly.

I think if we took the time to learn more about other faiths - other belief systems, we would understand each other much better because even though Emerson says to be great is to be misunderstood, I want people to have the chance to understand me and why I believe what I believe.

image via

suspicious

2012-01-18T11:20:00.002-07:00

"I don’t turn on the radio because I know it won’t be that song, for that would be too perfect, and part of our living agreement on earth is the suspicion of wonderful things happening to us." via

I might be the most suspicious of all, but that can't stop the wonderful from happening anyway.

photo via

Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening

2012-01-12T09:50:00.001-07:00

My dad shared this poem with my family earlier this month. He said that some critics suggest it is about suicide, or misery. My dad suggested that it is quite the opposite.
He said, "We do hard things, go to school and go some more. We’re willing to move away into the unknown because it’s the right thing to do. We’ll read and pray and work and endure because it’s what we've been taught and it feels right when we do right. We press on though frozen in the darkness because we have promises to keep and do so with the faith that the days get longer from here. That is what this poem is about."
I think we all need a little more hope after the holidays die down and life - the average parts of life, resume. It is cold, and sometimes so hard but we press on because that is who we are. We are promise keepers.

"Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep."
- Robert Frost

image

sweater party

2012-01-09T09:38:00.004-07:00

A few weeks ago my friend Stacey (2nd picture far right) threw an epic Christmas party, and I just got the pictures back from it. Kevin and I found the ugliest sweaters we could without having to spend any money, and this was the result. Stacey is the best party planner - and this party was no exception.

My favorite part was the White Elephant gift exchange. Kevin and I brought our old, (think 90's) tv and put it in a garbage bag. Of course Tia (very center) chose it first. Watching Dan her new fiance (!) lug it up to their car after the party was so funny it brought me to tears.

p.s. If you want a good read, read this Stuff White People Like on Ugly Sweater Parties. So spot on.

crossing paths

2012-01-05T16:09:00.002-07:00

Something about Kevin as a child kills me. People sometimes ask if we grew up together and I quickly say, "Oh no," as if there is something wrong with that. I wanted to branch out - out of my town and high school and I wanted someone to fall in love with the me that is now, and not the me that was then. Kevin and I met in New Hampshire - a new place for us both, a fresh country that was as green as the trees we sat under, a place that was untouched. I loved our beginning.

But then sometimes I wish I could have known Kevin longer. That he could have sat next to me in grade school, and pass me notes. That I could shake my head at his messy coloring job, and move my arm so he could see mine, and learn how it should be done.

I wish we could have danced in junior high together, amid my awkwardness and braces - his 9th grade status making him much cooler.

I wish I could have watched him play basketball in high school. I wish he could have hugged me when it was over, and we could go get ice cream and burgers with our friends and he could drive me home and walk me to the door the way he always does and kiss me on the mouth with my sisters peeking through the window.

I wish we could have written the two years he was in Argentina, because I feel like he maybe needed me then and I always wanted to fall in love over letters and far away words and distance.

Part of me believes we must have crossed paths at some point. Some grocery store, or carnival, or street where we maybe looked twice at each other, and moved on not realizing we would meet again.

A lot of times I live in the future, but sometimes I let myself live in the non-existent past. I think more than anything it is the desire that he could have been a part of my life much longer. I think of the times I needed him and he wasn't there, or even more - the times when he needed me. Some of us maybe need the fresh place but when I see old pictures of him, or I think about something hard we went through alone, I wish we had each other longer.

image via

simplicity

2012-01-03T11:10:00.002-07:00

We laid there talking about goals and this year

and he said to me,

"Can't we just live a simple life?"

And I said,

"Is that what you really want?"

And he said,

"I think so."

And I agreed with the I think so part,

because sometimes I am not sure,

but most of the time simplicity is elegant

and real and exactly what I want.

image via

2011

2011-12-30T11:31:00.006-07:00

2011 was a beautiful year.

We got snowed in.

Took fake engagements

Met Carmen Electra in Columbus, Ohio

Welcomed Jessica home from Jerusalem with open arms.

Celebrated Julie and Dj's wedding.

Partied in Lake Powell with this girl.

Celebrated 1 year of marriage.

Welcomed Harrison to the world.

Visited Portland

Visited Nashville

Said a sad goodbye to Jessica again.

'

Had the best Christmas ever.

As great of a year as it has been, for the past few months I have been living for the future. So much is ahead for the two of us, and as ~~nervous~~, terrified as I am, I can't wait for the challenges ahead of us. I am ready to move on with my life. I am ready to forage into the unknown with a brave heart and a hand to hold. I am ready for you, 2012.

new year

2011-12-28T09:56:00.002-07:00

we make new goals that we don't always keep

but the point is to make them, because if we don't

we stop.

and i don't want to stop. i mean, i don't want to go forward

but i don't want to stop, either.

you know?

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"if I was in charge of making snow globes..."

2011-12-22T15:26:00.001-07:00

Once, I was in New York,
in Central Park, and I saw
an old man in a black overcoat walking
a black dog. This was springtime
and the trees were still
bare and the sky was
gray and low and it began, suddenly,
to snow:
big fat flakes
that twirled and landed on the
black of the man's overcoat and
the black dog's fur. The dog
lifted his face and stared
up at the sky. The man looked
up, too. "Snow, Aldo," he said to the dog,
"snow." And he laughed.
The dog looked
at him and wagged his tail.

If I was in charge of making
snow globes, this is what I would put inside:
the old man in the black overcoat,
the black dog,
two friends with their faces turned up to the sky
as if they were receiving a blessing,
as if they were being blessed together
by something
as simple as snow
in March.

- Kate DiCamillo

image via

The Glow

2011-12-20T11:05:00.004-07:00

I may behind on this bandwagon, but The Glow is definitely my new favorite site. With interviews from some of the most fashionable mom's and children in existence (I am convinced) I check it at least once a day - hoping there is a new feature. Proof that you can have a career, style, and happy children.

Please visit. You could get lost in that site all day.

all images via

winner

2011-12-19T12:30:00.002-07:00

The winner of Kate Bjorkman is:

Ana Magdalena said...

sounds like a good read, I hope I win :)

December 16, 2011 11:54 AM

I used Random Number Generator. Email me Ana and I will get the book sent out to you.

Merry Christmas everyone! Thanks for playing!

Christmas Book Giveaway

2011-12-16T10:30:00.003-07:00

Someone emailed me and asked me what my favorite Christmas book is. The answer was so obvious and easy that it made me think of some Christmas cheer I want to share.

The Unlikely Romance of Kate Bjorkman is a masterpiece. I read it every Christmas because it doesn't really feel like Christmas without it. For all of you hopeless romantics, awkward girls, or bookies (pretty much anyone who reads my blog besides my husband) it is the best Christmas read. You don't have to think so hard, you fall in love with Kate -(mostly because you can relate to her so well) and it makes you feel so happy to be alive at Christmas. I'm not promising Morrison brilliance here, but I am promising your new favorite Christmas book. (Face it, we can all only read The Little Matchgirl so many times before we realize that we have no idea what that book is about, only that it leaves us feeling depressed.)

Because I love you all so much, I am funding this giveaway. I will order it from Amazon and send it to you - and hopefully you get it before Christmas, because this book is a gem. I will probably order a paperback, and the cheapest shipping possible - just as a disclaimer. I will also choose a winner on Monday morning.

To enter, leave a comment and tweet or whatever for extra entries.

(p.s. the author Louise Plummer used to teach Creative Writing at BYU. Anyone lucky enough to take a class from her? I am so upset I graduated from that school without taking her class.)

23

2011-12-14T10:31:00.005-07:00

This morning Kevin woke me up with a rendition of "Today is your day" set to the tune of, "This Land is Your Land." It went like this:

"This day's not his day, this day's not her day. This day's not my day - this day is your day! This day was made for only you."

He is just one reason waking up on my 23rd birthday is the funnest thing I have ever done. I don't feel wiser, or older or cooler today - I just feel happy to still be here on this earth, having birthdays and such.

(p.s. as an adult it is socially unacceptable to publicize your birthday, which is why I shamelessly do it here on my blog every year. it's the little things.)

photos via 1, 2

Elsewhere

2011-12-13T11:24:00.004-07:00

Today I am at Reachel's lovely blog Cardigan Empire talking about Beauty. I love what she and her blog stands for, and am honored to participate in her real, beauty-full Tuesday column.

I also wrote an article for the debut of the Off Switch Magazine - edited and created by the talented Katie Michels. It is an article about why I write, and one that I put a lot of thought into. It launches tomorrow and I am thrilled to be involved in such a fantastic project. Katie is very detailed, and I think it will be an awesome addition to the on-line mag world.

I get a lot of emails asking for me to write in various places. Let me just say - I love to be included in these opportunities, even if I don't take every opportunity that comes my way. It pushes me and motivates me and allows me to "meet" such wonderful people. I am pretty grateful for this blogosphere and the kind people who motivate me to do what I really love to do.

photo via

Savior of the World

2011-12-12T13:00:00.005-07:00

On Saturday night we went to Temple Square (where Kevin and I were married!) to see the Savior of the World production. It is easy at Christmas time to think about parties and presents and agenda's. Sitting there, I realized that Christmas at its very heart is so simple.

Christmas began with a family in a stable. Just Mary, Joseph and Jesus. Cold, poor, perhaps afraid of the future, but willing to do it together and with God. Kevin and I feel poor and cold in this Utah December and afraid of the future too. A new family, we are just figuring things out and hoping that with faith in God we will be delivered. I know there was so much love in that stable in Bethlehem, just like there is so much love in our home, and this Christmas I am most grateful for that. For love and the knowledge of Our Savior who was born among animals and hay and two parents who believed in God's promises.

Such a simple beginning, with such eternal consequences and the most beautiful message of Christmas. To find out more about my beliefs, visit here or email me. There is no better time to learn more about Christ than at Christmas.

silent prayers

2011-12-09T12:25:00.005-07:00

I asked him why he loved me

on our drive home.

The reason I asked, is because sometimes that answer changes.

You'd think that all this love would go away in time

but that is not the truth.

I craned my neck to see the stars explode in the sky above me,

and put my two right fingers to my neck

just to feel the simple beat beat - beat beat

that lets me live another day on this earth,

a place I have come to love a little more every day I'm here.

then I said a silent prayer on that drive while I waited for his answer

and the only words spoken, or unspoken were

thank you.

image via

Christmas at the Voisin's

2011-12-05T10:51:00.002-07:00

After this weekend, it is starting to look a lot like Christmas at our place. This season is the happiest one, and I love it more and more every year.

Birthday/Christmas Wishlist

2011-12-02T10:41:00.002-07:00

Every year Kevin asks me for a combined Birthday/Christmas wishlist. It's so weird - I look forward to making this list all year, mentally collecting everything I want and then when the season comes I feel so grateful for everything I have, and can't remember wanting anything.

This is what I came up with this year, and although it looks pretty black and white and drab - I would feel lucky to get anything off of this list. Classic, beautiful pieces that I will never get tired of, as well as a book I can't wait to read.

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6.

kind

2011-11-30T09:58:00.004-07:00

Yesterday I was thinking about kindness and talking with a friend about it over lunch. He told me when his dad died in a different state a generous couple let his family stay with them so they could be comfortable and together as they grieved. He said he would never forget that. And then Kevin called me and told me he saw a motorcycle accident on his way home, and cars started going around this guy who was pinned under his motorcycle. So disgusted that no one would help, Kevin stopped traffic, lifted the bike off, and got his first aid kit out of his trunk to help this poor guy out. It took him five minutes - five minutes.

I think that it takes time to be kind, but not so much time that it matters. There are good people everywhere, and I want to be one of them. I want to leave tracks everywhere I go, even if none of them lead back to me.

gratitude

2011-11-28T11:21:00.003-07:00

Kevin and I spent Thanksgiving day flying home from Nashville. We celebrated the day before with my sisters, and post-flight with my extended family, making sure to get our fill at both meals.

It's funny. We have now spent three Thanksgiving's together, each in a different state. Hawaii first, Ohio second, and Tennessee third now. We have no semblance of a Thanksgiving tradition - we have no traditional foods, and we are used to giving cheers with plastic cups of Ginger Ale on the plane.

I guess I could be sad about it, but instead I feel humble and grateful. As long as we are together, no matter where we are - we will always be okay. I love that I realize that.

I started to write in my journal on the plane, listing everything I am grateful for but the only thing I could think of was family - that word reverberating across the many places we are. Spread out across so many places, states, soon to be countries and they are still my greatest blessing. I have two families to be grateful for now, a heart full of gratitude for each one of them, and letters and words that connect us to each other no matter how far apart we get sometimes.

photo of our Thanksgiving dinner in the Chicago airport

Nashville

2011-11-21T10:52:00.003-07:00

I am currently in Nashville Tennessee visiting my two older sisters and their sweet kids. They are the perfect remedy to cheer me up after Jessica (younger sister) left last week and I never want to come back to reality.

Family is really the best, you know? When you live with them growing up you don't appreciate your time together but when they are all over the country you miss them everyday. Funny how that works. Have a Happy Thanksgiving every one.

p.s. If you want to keep up with me while I'm gone follow me here on twitter, or @mvoisin on instagram.

brave

2011-11-18T11:16:00.006-07:00

I think about being brave - about courage a lot. Probably a lot more than most people, and definitely a lot more than I should. People associate bravery with war-heroes and risk takers but I think to be alive on this earth and not fall apart sometimes is bravery too. Most of the time it is so, so good to us but sometimes it's not and I think it's okay to admit that. To move on, to wake up and have jobs and get married and have children and brush our teeth and floss is brave. It means we believe in a future, and it means that we are preparing ourselves to be happy in that future. It means we know that bad things might happen to us and the people we love and facing it anyway.

I think brave people are war heroes and such, but I also think that women who have miscarriages and men who lost their jobs and have a family to feed and missionaries who leave their homes for 18 months are really brave. I think people who go to school for a long time because they believe in their future and young moms and comedians and grocery store clerks are brave. I think kids who ride a bike for the first time, and single parents and waitresses are brave too and I think we need to give each other more credit for courage.

Look at us. We're brave people.

18 months

2011-11-16T13:55:00.004-07:00

My sister left today. For weeks I have been sad, and not just because she was leaving but because I had this big goodbye I felt like we needed to say. I thought about it all the time when I was alone, wondering what my last words to her would be, how much I would cry, what would be unspoken. I have been carrying this lump around in my throat for days, and keep tissues in every pocket.

Our actual goodbye was a little rushed. We hugged, and I meant to get a picture but I forgot. When I pulled away from our tight hug, we both had tears that weren't there before. She forced a smile, and it was a sad smile and I told her I loved her and she left.

Somehow my drive back brought me peace. I thought about what she is doing for the first time really. I realized that God loves her as much as I do and somehow that made me feel better than anything else. I realize it may seem dramatic to react this way, and that's fine with me.

Now that she is officially gone, I feel so lucky to love her enough to miss her this much. Missing someone is sort of beautiful if you can get past the painful part. The reality is that she misses me just as much and I think that the mutual missing is poetic and sad and lovely all at once.

p.s. if you want to keep up with Jessica you can follow her mission blog here, which I will be managing.

photo taken last night on instagram

ending the day

2011-11-10T12:20:00.005-07:00

Sometimes life wears down on you so much,
and all you look forward to all day is coming home to curl up in bed with wet hair and sweats.
Somehow ending bad days like that make all of our bad days okay though.
Maybe not good,
But better than they were before -
Which is all you can really expect.

It's nice to have someone to end my bad days with.

image

The Catcher in the Rye

2011-11-09T10:22:00.003-07:00

“Among other things, you'll find that you're not the first person who was ever confused and frightened and even sickened by human behavior. You're by no means alone on that score, you'll be excited and stimulated to know. Many, many men have been just as troubled morally and spiritually as you are right now. Happily, some of them kept records of their troubles. You'll learn from them—if you want to. Just as someday, if you have something to offer, someone will learn something from you. It's a beautiful reciprocal arrangement. And it isn't education. It's history. It's poetry.”

There are classics I have always been curious about. You see them on t-shirts, referenced in popular culture and discussed in literature classes but no one really says, "You should read this, you'll love it." So at Powell's in Oregon, I purchased my first copy of The Catcher in the Rye, having really no expectations for it.

It surprised me. I started out so confused by it - who was this rambling, depressed teenager? It is written in stream-of-consciousness which I have read before, but not like this. Because Holden Caulfield holds nothing back, you really do feel like you are in the mind of a teenage boy at first - which is equally entertaining as it is frightening. All I can say is, give it a chance because the first few pages are rough and you wonder where it is going.

The more I read though, the more I began to see what a beautiful person Holden is. He notices things - small things about human nature and records them. He kept saying, "That depressed the hell out of me." I began to notice that things depressed me, too. Seeing a grown man holding a sign in the Arizona heat for a furniture liquidation, a mother slap her three year old in Walmart and people who are waiters their whole lives. All of these things depress me too, but I didn't let myself feel them, or think about them because they depress me. Holden is not afraid to feel things, in fact, he feels too much. Sometimes I wonder what is worse, but I definitely know that I try to block things out so I don't have to feel them. Sometimes feeling things is way too much for me, but like Holden, I would rather feel something instead of nothing.

It was full of bad language, didn't have much of a story line, and you don't fall in love with any of the characters, but I still liked it. I decided after reading it that I did like it because it made me think above all else, and made me more aware of the things that made me happy and sad. The reason it is called "The Catcher in the Rye" is really beautiful too, but not something I feel I can just share because it was the best hidden gem of the book.

I'm not sure if I'm recommending it right now or not. I guess the best way to say it, is that I'm really glad I read it and I don't feel like I wasted my time. Take it for what it's worth. In the words of Holden Caulfield, "I don't exactly know what I mean by that, but I mean it.”

goodbyes

2011-11-07T11:15:00.005-07:00

Love fails me sometimes. And not love maybe, but the word love. It is not enough to say, "I love you," because that doesn't describe this physical ache you feel. It is the same feeling as heartbreak really, and is suffocatingly delicious and terrible at the same time, and that is love.

I have a goodbye to make in a week, and it feels like the biggest goodbye I have ever made. My sister is leaving for 18 months, and although I should feel happy for her I am constantly weeping anytime I even think about it. In the grocery store, on every drive home - chopping vegetables for dinner.

I flew to Arizona for the weekend and seeing all of the reuniting and goodbyes at the airports made me cry even harder. For seeming so small at times, this world is a little too big for me. I wish I could be a mother hen, gathering everyone I love under my wings and keeping them there and that is what I would like to do because it would make this love containable and safe.

I am not good at doing hard things. I am not good at goodbyes. I am not good at saying I love you in the way it begs to be said. I am not.

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winter snow

2011-11-02T09:24:00.003-06:00

Winter has come to Utah.

I suppose I could complain about the short days, and frigid nights - where the cold doesn't seem to leave you, but rests like smoke on your hair, your face, your paralyzed hands.

We trudge through the drifts, we catch snowflakes - unintentionally - bringing the cold to our homes, but leaving it outside on the front porch. Let the cold watch us through the window, hungrily wanting what it can't have, where the people we love are waiting for us, and the warmth finally sticks.

There is something beautiful about this season that makes us need each other a little more. Our hugs are longer, our kisses not so brief, our laughter takes up more space.

Winter may not need me, but I need winter. It is the best season, and I hope I always live somewhere with lots of snow.

photo

p.s. I guest blogged here today, answering questions about my wedding. So much fun to reminisce about. Thanks for having me Joelle.

love languages

2011-10-28T10:27:00.005-06:00

I have had friends and co-workers ask me what my love language is, and to be candid - I hate that question. Just because someone decided that there are five love languages, people seem to believe that there is this one way you feel loved in order to be fulfilled. If you have ever been in love, you know that there is no such thing as a love language - but there are thousands of languages, and some are learned and some are innate and some are as foreign as the gaping universe surrounding each of us but there is no such thing as one.

The first time I ever cried with Kevin, was in a hammock in the park. The stars stretched out above us - as they did for every important moment in our love life, and we listened to Ryan Adams on my iPod, each of us sharing a bud. My mom left for Connecticut earlier that day, and I was leaving to Hawaii in a week. He didn't say anything as he felt the tears stream down my face, but his hold got a little tighter, and he kissed me on the forehead. I didn't want him to say anything - I already knew.

The first time he told me he loved me I heard it, but the first time I really knew he loved me was when he barraged back from security as he was leaving the airport in Hawaii to pick me up one more time and kiss me goodbye. He had said "I love you" hundreds of times prior but that was the first time I believed him.

Then on the day of our wedding when he showed up at my house and looked so real and full in my doorway and asked me how I slept with a kiss on the cheek, and his hands in his pockets. That said it all. "I love you, I'm not going to try to make you any more nervous than you already are by telling you how much I love you, but I want to do this still if you do."

So I guess my answer is, that I don't believe in love languages but I do believe in love. I believe that you need someone who really knows you, and how you want to be loved, otherwise you begin to wonder, "what is my love language, anyway?"

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piece of foreign sky

2011-10-26T11:48:00.002-06:00

I'm not pregnant, and I'm not sure I am ready yet, but that doesn't mean I don't think about being a mom almost every day. It is easy for Kevin and I to think of the things we would miss if we had a baby - vacations, money, career advances, etc. but I read this Anne Campbell poem at a doctor's office a few years ago and think about it a lot.

“You are the trip I did not take; You are the pearls I cannot buy; You are my blue Italian lake; You are my piece of foreign sky.”

Such a beautiful way to express the way I feel about becoming a mother someday.

photo via

The Wednesday Wars

2011-10-24T12:17:00.003-06:00

“Think of the sound you make when you let go after holding your breath for a very, very long time. Think of the gladdest sound you know: the sound of dawn on the first day of spring break, the sound of a bottle of Coke opening, the sound of a crowd cheering in your ears because you're coming down to the last part of a race--and you're ahead. Think of the sound of water over stones in a cold stream, and the sound of wind through green trees on a late May afternoon in Central Park. Think of the sound of a bus coming into the station carrying someone you love. Then put all those together.”

After several recommendations to read The Wednesday Wars, her review set me over the edge and I bought a copy at Powell's books in Portland. (my favorite place I went while I was there)

This was a special kind of book, and maybe my favorite since Walk Two Moons. It is young adult fiction which is my favorite genre and not because you don't have to think so hard - which is a misconception about good young adult fiction. I love it because it is unpretentious and it moves fast, and the characters are lovable and believe in the reality of their dreams. Of course that description does not sum up all young adult fiction, but it does sum up the good kind.

This book was emotional for me. I loved Holling so much I wished I could sit down with him and talk about Shakespeare. The book is funny - and it doesn't try too hard, it just is. If you ever thought that Shakespeare was boring, Holling will change your mind. I opened up to my copy of The Tempest after reading this, and was immediately taken back to 6th grade when I was Miranda in my class play, truly believing I was on Broadway and that this performance would be my big break. That is the thing about Y.A.F - it reminds you of who you were. I really liked who I was then and although I like myself now, I think was more lovable as a 6th grader - probably most of us were.

The Wednesday Wars went deeper than most Y.A.F but the tone was still kept light and funny. Schmidt covers war, humiliation, friendship, love, growing up, relationships, etc. in this book that literally took me 5 hours to read - (waiting at the airport, plane, traveling in general). I laughed out loud while reading it, and Kevin would keep asking me to read those parts to him. I sobbed too, on the plane, using the napkin the stewardess gave me as a tissue and burying my face in Kevin's shirt. The best kinds of books will do that to you.

Creatively, The Wednesday Wars inspired me. So simple in its approach, but so meaningful and so beautifully written. As I turned each page, I got so excited to have a child someday who could read this book and experience what I did as I read. There is something so unique about a book that you don't have to analyze too much, but that makes you feel something anyway. I think that even if you are into Safran and Morrison you would love this book. It is beautiful and witty and thoughtful from front to back.

Have you read The Wednesday Wars? What did you think?

Portland II

2011-10-21T09:28:00.001-06:00

The last of our Portland photos via Instagram. Do you have Instagram? My username is mvoisin. Follow me so I can follow you! It is my new favorite app.

And, happy weekend everybody.

The Historian

2011-10-19T11:35:00.004-06:00

“As a historian, I have learned that, in fact, not everyone who reaches back into history can survive it. And it is not only reaching back that endangers us; sometimes history itself reaches inexorably forward for us with its shadowy claws.”

I haven't reviewed a book in awhile not because I forgot, but because I have been reading this one. The Historian, by Elizabeth Kostova was a large literary journey for me not only because of its length (900+ pages) but because of the way it is written and its density. After all of my sisters and my mom finished it with raving reviews however, I knew I needed to read it for myself and I don't regret a page.

It is a book about Dracula - or rather, two young historians and their search for Dracula. It was dangerous and enticing at times, but also very philosophical and thoughtful in its approach. I knew vaguely that Dracula was based off of Vlad Tepes sometime in the 1400's, but there is so much more to that story. How he would impale his enemies and even followers violently. How he created an extensive following based off of The Order of the Dragon, and how he vowed to live forever (in history at least.) It definitely puts The Twilight series to shame, because to me, the Twilight series did a poor job of frightening the reader. In that series, vampires are protectors who suck the blood of animals and protect humans whereas in this more realistic novel, vampires are much more terrifying, and their existence much more believable.Of course mixed in with the historical research and escapades (which at times were a little dry to me,) was a love story that I found sweet and realistic.

One problem I had with the book though, was that it mixed fact with fiction. It was difficult for me to decipher what was real and what was fabricated, which was frustrating. I would have liked some kind of foreword or note from the author clearing up what was real or not. After I read it I googled Vlad Tepes trying to learn more about his real life, but I would have liked that to be more clear in the book.

Otherwise, it was a great read. Ambitious, but intriguing and by the end I really loved the characters. I would recommend reading it if you have a large stretch of time to read - say, a vacation or a long plane ride.

Have you read The Historian? What did you think?

Multnomah Falls

2011-10-18T09:23:00.002-06:00

One of the best parts about our trip to Portland was the hike to the top of Multnomah Falls. I thought the legend of the falls was beautiful, and remembered hearing about it somewhere. On our drive home I realized that it was in the book The Shack which I reviewed awhile ago. Such a beautiful legend, and a beautiful place. I highly recommend it if you ever visit Portland.

There was a terrible sickness that threatened lives of the Multnomah people. An old medicine man revealed that the sickness had been foretold but that it would pass if a maiden descendant of a tribal chief would throw herself from a high cliff above the big river and onto the rocks below. The chief was not willing to sacrifice any of the princesses, so he elected to allow the sickness to run it’s course.
When the Chief’s daughter saw that the sickness had affected her lover, she went up to the top of the cliff and threw herself to the rocks below. Upon her death, the sickness immediately began to leave the affected people.
Now, when the breeze blows through the water, a silvery stream separates from the upper falls. The misty stream fashions a form of the maiden, a token of the “Great Spirit’s” acceptance of her sacrifice.

Portland I

2011-10-17T10:27:00.004-06:00

Just some snapshots from our weekend in Portland. There were so many good things about this weekend, but the food is at the top of the list. Someone told me that a bad meal does not exist in Portland, and we found that to be true. Pok Pok, Tasty n Sons, Jade and Pine State Biscuits were our very favorites. Our first meal (at Pok Pok) Kevin and I didn't talk for 15 minutes straight. The food triggered some kind of sensory overload. I could write heart-wrenching poetry about the food it was that good, and yes that is only a slight exaggeration.

We are already planning our next trip back to Portland. I loved everything about it there.

Thank you so much for your recommendations!

Portland Bound

2011-10-14T10:22:00.003-06:00

For the first time in what feels like forever, I am traveling for pleasure and not business. For our anniversary I gave Kevin tickets to a BYU football away game and plane tickets to Portland. We leave tonight and I can think of nothing I'd rather do than spend a whole weekend with Kev exploring a new city.

Any Portland natives who have suggestions for us? We want to see the best that city has to offer.

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subconscious

2011-10-13T12:01:00.004-06:00

Yesterday night for a few minutes it was so quiet.

Kevin was out playing basketball with the boys,

I was snuggled up in bed with wet hair and thermals, and I wasn't reading, or sleeping -

I wasn't even praying

although I suppose you could call my thoughts a form of prayer.

As much as I love the hustle and bustle of my daily life,

there is nothing quite like being alone with quiet.

When I sit there, I like to imagine my heart beats as the only sounds

on this whole earth,

spreading blood like Christmas cheer throughout this body -

and then my breaths rising and falling without a care -

happy to be considered,

and my own mind taking itself where it wants to go,

without books or television or other people telling me where to take it.

It is myself taking time to listen to me.

sometimes I guess my subconscious just wants to be heard.

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alone but not lonely

2011-10-10T12:27:00.004-06:00

being married isn't so hard,

except that you have to be willing to make sacrifices you weren't willing to make before.

sacrifices that involve not being alone for long periods of time.

- - but you'd rather be with him than alone anyway,

you just don't realize it when you have been with him for a long time.

when you finally get to be alone you enjoy the first hour or so,

and then you realize that those sacrifices are nothing at all

because you'd much rather be with him

than with yourself.

you like yourself. maybe even love yourself, but not as much as he loves you.

besides, it is much better to be alone and know you are loved

than alone - really alone.

because when you are alone without him and he is somewhere else

you still know you're not really alone,

because you are loved by him.

you will find yourself wishing all that time apart would end already.

you are your best selves together, whether you realize it or not.

(and your worst selves too, just to keep things interesting.)

photo via

cutest gift

2011-10-05T21:49:00.002-06:00

My sister Melissa was afraid that after she got pregnant she wouldn't be able to go anywhere. (Something I can totally relate to - at least as far as marriage goes.) My brother-in-law Chris who really knows how to take care of his wife, gave her this piece of art as a post-pregnancy gift. It showcases all of the places she went while pregnant with Harry. I love seeing him at the bottom of the picture. How cool it will be for him to someday see this picture and all of the places he went before coming to earth.

photo via

it's not personal, it's business

2011-10-05T16:29:00.003-06:00

I have been in the business world for over a year now, and it is not what I expected so far. Having started in a small company with a lot of room to grow I went from being a personal assistant to the Director of Public Relations. These months of growth have taught me a lot about how to be in the business world - and how to be a young woman while you're at it.

The first thing to remember is that nothing is personal. I remember tearing up in meetings when I realized I didn't finish a project by deadline, or during a critique of my press releases. A year of business has made me much more tough. Everyone is just trying to do their job, and getting critique is a great way to show that you can grow and are an adaptable employee. When you take things personally you are showing that you are not able to take criticism. And there is no room for tears in the workplace. I learned that the hard way :)

Another thing I have learned is that it is so important to finish every task you are assigned. When you are young and in the workplace you are expendable - especially, it seems as a female. Prove that you can get things done on time and get them done well. I have made sure I can account for everything under my jurisdiction.

Don't be afraid to be a boss. When I first had employees to direct I was terribly intimidated. Not only are some of them older women, but I had men to direct too. I had a hard time at first showing them that I could do it. Then I realized that just because I am a young woman I know what I am doing. There is a reason I was given this opportunity. Delegating became easier once I realized that.

Something else I have done is set my expectations high for my employer. I have been frank and honest with him, showing what I have done, telling him when I feel I deserve a raise or specific opportunity, and telling him I can prove myself. I used to be so weak in the workplace. I would work a job for a year and not ask for a raise when I deserved one because I would rather get paid less and avoid the awkward conversation. I will never do that again. I think it shows confidence and a clear direction when you are not afraid to ask for what you want.

Lastly, I have made it clear what I am and am not okay with. Often I go on business trips with just older men and myself. During dinner appointments and tradeshows as well I am almost always the only girl. I have made it clear when I feel uncomfortable at times. The men I work with now respect me for that and are careful about what they say in my presence, and how they act around me. I feel like we have become friends because I have shown them that I am not afraid to stand up for myself.

It isn't easy being a young girl in the business world and to be honest, I never imagined myself here. But now that I am here, I love what I do and I enjoy working so much. It gives me fulfillment in a way that school never did.

Any other young girls in the workplace who can relate? I would love to hear your experiences/stories.

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wherein i read old journals before bed

2011-10-03T21:45:00.004-06:00

My entire life I have written in a journal - well, ever since I could write. I filled almost three journals with the following entry:

"Today I woke up. I practiced my violin and piano and went to school. I came home and played with my sisters. We made popcorn for dinner and watched Robin Hood. Now I am writing in my journal and soon I will go to bed. The end."

My sister Lacey was reading over my shoulder one evening as I wrote and said, "Mandy - you are supposed to write about your feelings! That is what a journal is."

I was terribly confused. This thing I thought I was doing so well, I was actually doing completely wrong. That was the first time I tried to keep in touch with my feelings - and my journals have taken me everywhere since.

There have been times however, when I have not kept a journal and it is those times I have found, that I do not want to remember. Those times left empty spaces in my journals. There have been times when my feelings are all too encompassing and I feel there is no space to say what needs to be said. Those times have left empty spaces in my journals. There have been times of great sadness, where my lungs felt they would cave in and I considered it a success when I cried roughly twice before breakfast. Those times have left empty spaces.

But when I read the pages between those spaces, I realize that I have lived a truly extraordinary life. I have learned to record my feelings and thoughts. I have covered grocery store visits to the spider in the curtains, to a series of bad days I thought would never end. I have written about the boys I kissed, my musings at Walden pond and my first time I set foot in Grand Central Station, my feet buzzing with excitement, my heart thumping. I have tear soaked pages and notes from friends tucked into the corners. I have written, "Falling in love is simple, falling out of love is so much more painful," and - "He loves me. Did you remember that? He told me twice," and "In tears, she took the lei's and kissed each man on the cheek."

I wrote in my journal in Hawaii about how terribly I missed my mom. How I would sob thinking about her being across the country in Connecticut without me. I have written about the time I cried at the circus, because the acrobats were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I ended my most recent journal with a favorite poem by Hopkins - "Glory be to God for dappled things - ... All things counter, original, spare, strange; whatever is fickle, freckled (who knows how?) With soft, slow, sweet, sour; adazzle, dim; He fathers forth whose beauty is past change. Praise him."

It makes me laugh now, because these journals brought out the dappled in me. My original, spare, strange, fickle, freckled, sweet, soft and adazzled self is encompassed in these pages. And somehow these pages make me feel honest about myself and this life.

I have an entire Bildungsroman novel tucked into those pages. The story of how I became who I am.

look who arrived...

2011-09-30T11:28:00.002-06:00

Harrison John Challis made his way into the world on Monday September 26. My sister Melissa and her husband Chris are some of the most loving, special people I know. I told Missy that baby Harry was probably bragging to his friends in heaven about coming to these parents. He is guaranteed more love than you can comprehend.

Just to prove it, here are some photos of his nursery. I love that it is clean and masculine without being cheesy or overly trendy.

Congratulations on his arrival Challis family! We love you so much.

what we came for

2011-09-28T22:15:00.003-06:00

I attended a funeral today - my grandfather's, and my dad spoke at it.

He said, "Maybe we go along life and expect all of the lights to be green,

and we think that the elevator should come as soon as we push the button.

Maybe we think that things should always be easy,

and when they're not we say,

"I didn't sign up for this."

But we did. - - It's exactly what we signed up for."

This reminder was necessary. This life, this existence and this person I am becoming -

Is exactly what I came to this earth for.

I am exactly who I came to earth to be.

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things to say

2011-09-26T16:24:00.005-06:00

I have so many things to say.

How my new nephew's face makes my heart beat fast and all I can think about is holding him and feeling his softness for myself.

How a week of writing technically and for advertisements is not the same at all as writing here.

That my sister had a birthday and it brings a lump to my throat to say it because now she is 21 and she is leaving me.

How watching my primary kids sing so loud in church was overwhelming and sweet - their tones the most pure and honest thing.

How nostalgic it is to eat peaches and sugar on my parents deck at sunset in the summer, a copy of Dandelion Wine in one hand, (but my eyes are on the sky.)

That being loved by someone who is forgiving and patient is more important than someone who is handsome. (although that doesn't hurt.)

How I have come to take care of myself, because I am the best candidate for that job.

How there are stories in my head begging to be written.

How much love I have for this world and this season and this existence of mine.

(these are all things i have to say)

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too much to handle

2011-09-15T10:26:00.004-06:00

I have been kidding myself. I have been trying to bite off more than I can chew, and it is really getting to me. This blog started as a way for me to share my writing and thoughts, and has turned into something much more. It is my creative outlet - but also one that has been neglected for months.

My life has become increasingly stressful this past year with life as a "newly wed", a promotion at work, more travel, and more responsibilities. I recently received a time consuming calling at church and with teaching and freelance work and personal fitness classes - I am more overwhelmed than I ever remember being. Last night I got home at 11:30 from a busy day at work only to find my husband asleep with the light on and his textbooks surrounding him - trying to wait up for me to get home. The sad thing is, I leave for business to Vegas this morning and will be gone the rest of the weekend. I am spread so thin that I have neglected friendships and family and everything else in my attempt to "Do more", and I can no longer lie to myself.

I am going to continue blogging, but it can no longer be a priority. I have compared myself to other bloggers who seem to always have fresh content and parties and people to blog about - but at this time in my life that's not my focus. I would rather post less and post better. Thanks for reading, and sharing my life with me. I think as we all grow and our lives change we have to adjust the things we did before and make room for what is most important.

(and I think you will see me more often than you think.)

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mantra

2011-09-14T10:08:00.007-06:00

Sometimes I emphasize beauty and fashion and perception too much in my life. Don't get me wrong - I always plan to beautify the space around me and I think that is a good thing. But I never want to let my possessions get in the way of who I really want to be. I think Marjorie sums up exactly what I want my life to consist of.

"I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails. I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp. I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbors children. I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone's garden. I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder.

I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived."

- Marjorie Pay Hinckley

I want a simple life surrounded by those I love. I want to take care of myself while also taking care of those around me. I want children who remember me being there for them no matter what. I want friends who know they can call me at any given time. I want a life of love to others and to God. I want the imperfect.

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Podcasts

2011-09-13T10:50:00.002-06:00

I was getting a little tired of listening to audio books. The narrator's voice bothered me after hearing it that long, and I hate that when I want to hear a part again I have to go back and listen to the two minutes prior, which frustrates me and I end up not appreciating the part I wanted to hear again because I am so annoyed. Listening to books is not the same at all as reading them, and although it was good for awhile I am on an audio book break.

After a frustrating week of listening to "Party Rock" and way too much Avril Lavigne, a friend recommended podcasts, and while I wasn't sure what to think of them I gave some a try. By far my favorite have been "Stuff You Missed in History Class." They are free, easy to download onto my iPhone and so addicting. Aspects of history that I have heard of but knew little about, narrated in an interesting, thoughtful way with all of the facts. As nerdy as it sounds, I look forward to my daily commute because I get to listen to them and often sit in my car to finish after I've arrived at my destination.

So far my favorites have been:

The Disappearance of the Lindberg baby

Lizzie Borden and Her Axe

The Kidnapping of Patty Hearst

The Virgin Queen's Great Love

Gandhi's Salt March

The Amelia Earhart Mystery

Surprisingly, I have been inspired to write after hearing these stories. So many unsolved historical mysteries, so many incredible people, so many small events that made such an impact in hindsight.

Are there any favorite podcasts you have? I would love to hear new stories.

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Little Mermaid

2011-09-12T10:10:00.002-06:00

Little Mermaid has always been my favorite Disney movie, and Ariel my favorite princess. When I was little, my dad would pretend to drown in the pool while I rescued him like Ariel did with Eric in the movie. He must have been so tired of playing that game with me, but did it several times every time we went to the pool.

So when I found out that the Tuacahn theater in St. George was putting on Little Mermaid, I knew I had to go. We made a girls trip of it with my sisters and my mom. A four hour drive each way turned out to be totally worth it. The play was magical to watch. The whole stage flooded with water, and the actors skated around while they sang. The costumes, live orchestra and attention to detail amazed us.

At the very end of the play, fireworks exploded just like on the movie and all of the feelings I had when I watched the movie as a four year old came back to me. Some stories are meant to be told over and over again, and The Little Mermaid inspired me just as much as a 22 year old.

And the girls time part complete with chocolate, good podcasts and endless talking didn't hurt either.

Finding Beauty

2011-09-07T16:27:00.007-06:00

It would be different if I could live my life in the woods - but I know I would not be more alive there. It's just that I would feel more alive, and it is something that I confuse too often in my daily life. To be alive and to feel it are different, and so even though I work in a boxy office with no windows for the majority of my day, and sometimes get home when it is too dark to see outside the window at the beauty that has been waiting for me all day, I still feel alive, when I try.

But to be honest, I do lack some beauty in my life as of late. When I was a college student I witnessed the changing of the seasons with my whole body. My breath on my walk up the hill told me the season. The sound of the leaves - or the snow - or the heated slap of my sandal reminded me of the time of year and my place in it. My wool mittens became my most used possession, second only to my pack that hit the back of my legs gently when I ran down the hill, just to feel my cheeks warm up from the cold air and my pounding heart. It was often on those long, sometimes cold, usually brisk walks that I had the most time to think.

It is a challenge to fill my life with beauty the way I could as a student. Back then my work was to read Wordsworth and Austen and today I write reports and forget sometimes, what it is like to read literature for my living, to write poems for my work. So I find beauty in my small moments, everywhere I can.

I find it in the thick tufts of Kevin's hair that welcome me each morning, and in the simplicity of my morning granola and fruit. I find beauty in the poetry that others write, and make sure to read at least one poem a day at my desk to remind myself of who I am. I take walks at lunch outside when I can and leave my iPod in the car so I can listen to the city and the train but also breathe in the air that is different from the air in my office. I read the thoughts of others on blogs like yours and find that they inspire me as much as Wordsworth and Austen because you are real people to me and are learning in this life just like me. Learning how to balance the good and the ugly and the kindness and the hard times and learning to love ourselves.

I maybe don't feel as alive as I used to - but the point is, I am alive and I try to feel it. Consciously discovering that feels very necessary.

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Oh Canada

2011-09-07T10:28:00.003-06:00

I visited Toronto, Canada last week which is why I had guest bloggers. (Aren't they wonderful girls?)

Canada was interesting. I was expecting America - just Northern, but it was much more European than American. Although it was more business than pleasure, I got to walk around downtown Toronto for a few hours with my boss and was enthralled with it. The juxtaposition of new and old elements was so interesting. Sweet sidewalk cafes juxtaposed with Dolce and Gabbana. An old church in the center of the city, and a modern building as an extension of a brownstone.

I also shopped in high-end stores with my boss. Although I have been in those stores before, I have never shopped in them. He laughed at me as my jaw dropped when he spent a mere $900 on Hermes leather shoes (on sale) and $350 on a Coach wallet. Someday.

Have you been to Toronto? What did you think?

Strawberry Cake

2011-09-05T21:22:00.002-06:00

I made this cake last week for Kevin's family. It was no one's birthday, but I was craving cake - and not the box kind. I used Bake's yellow cake recipe and was amazed at how easy it is to make a cake from scratch. The cake is so much more fluffy and sweet than a box cake, and the extra effort is so worth it. I don't think I will ever make a box cake again.

I then used Martha Stewart's strawberry buttercream frosting. The frosting doesn't spread perfectly, but the taste makes up for how it looks cosmetically. As a girl who loves cake and strawberries, this was the perfect treat for a winding down summer dinner.

kristen on oh the places you'll go

2011-09-02T09:00:00.000-06:00

Kristen is our last guest post for awhile. You might remember I guest posted for her here, and we did a little swap. (Did anyone else notice that all three girls that I asked to guest post are blond and beautiful?) Kristen went to my high school too, and is a kindred spirit. She is funny and witty and the way she writes makes me think. You can tell she writes from experience. I appreciate that kind of honesty and know you will love her as much as I do.

recently i moved back into my parents house.

i know, right? how’s that for an opening statement. destroying my credibility with a brand new audience. and right off the bat too.

nice.

the truth of the matter is, i’m in one of those transitionary phases of life. i’m ‘in between’. done with college. began a career in one direction. and am now in pursuit of something new.

tried out one thing i love. and am now chasing another.

the american dream right? i’m young. able. and want to find that every happiness. the same happiness i’ve day-dreamt of since creating fairytale stories for my barbie dolls.

an anatomically correct life. in every way.

i never pictured anything different.

unfortunately. it isn’t always as simple as the barbie mansion we created out of cardboard boxes in the closet beneath the stairs. we can not just make believe and have it be.

choices can be overwhelming. decisions can kick your butt. decisions like moving to a new, unknown destination all by yourself. where to go? east. west. north. south. you question whether you have what it really takes. you tell yourself you do. your parents tell you that you do, but maybe you don’t. you question whether you are brave enough. you question if it is right. you question your future.

decisions involving relationships. marriage. dating. choices involving family and friends. career moves. decisions that will take you in drastically different directions.

and then their is the small stuff.

like diet coke or coke zero?

i mean, these choices get tough ladies and gentlemen. and that magic eight ball starts looking awful tempting.

then we have the dilemma of too many options. too many choices. overload.

i have talked about this on my own blog before, but our generation is the generation of the greener grass. and sadly, i am a perfect example for you.

we are built--programmed really--to strive for the very best and in the most timely of ways. like wanting the latest and most innovative new apple products. but only feeling satisfied with it until the newer version hits stores six weeks later.

that is the story of our world. our touch-of-a-screen, click-of-a-button, instant gratification kind of world. even when we have something good--really really good--sometimes we mess it up, thinking that a better and stronger whatever lies ahead. something greener and full of even more promise.

when in fact, we are missing out on the vibrant green grass we are already squeezing between our eager toes.

but no matter what our various ‘decision-making-hold-ups’ are, there is one place--a place i am guilty of finding myself in so many different times--that we should try our hardest to avoid.

a scary place.

the land of indecision. the land of just wondering. the land of forgetting to make something happen. the land of letting the days pass by with little-to-no meaning. the land of letting the world continue on, while we do not.

yes, we all know this place. granted--most of the time we don’t mean to wind up there.

it’s not exactly a ‘destination b’ we set out to find on our gps.

one of my favorite descriptions of this magical land is given by none other than the brilliant dr. seuss--in his book Oh! The Places You’ll Go!

he calls it ‘the waiting place’. and is--in his words--’a most useless place”.

a place where people are simply waiting. waiting, unable to make up their minds.

“Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.”

and like i said, usually we don’t end up there by choice. usually it is a combination of intense speed and slight disorientation that harshly drop us off there. they pat us on the head--just hard enough to be bothersome, tell us to figure it out, to play nice and eat our green veggies.

we’ll think of a million and one reasons to justify it, to not progress...and then we’ll wait.

….

and wait.

but then. then the rocky theme song will start playing. and dr. seuss will continue on.

“No! That’s not for you,” he’ll say. “Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying. You’ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing. With banner flip-flapping, once more you’ll ride high! Ready for anything under the sky.”

i like that. you?

i’m not here to preach. i’m not here to tell you that i’ve never been there. i’d be a shameless liar if i tried to tell you anything of the sort, but i do know that we can all relate to this. that we all have been here at some point in our lives. it is part of being human.

it is part the whole ‘learning from our mistakes’ thing.

but i also know that we’re perfectly capable of finding our way out of these ruts and states of confusion.

recently. i’ve learned that sometimes it’s just about making the decision.

deciding on the turn. whether it be right or left. then taking a deep, deep breath of faith, mixing up a protein shake of courage and packing up a fanny-pack full of passion. and just going for it (yes, with a fanny-pack on).

no guarantees it will be perfect. no guarantees it will be easy. you might fail. you might conquer.

either way, we’ll go for it. and we’ll keep moving forward, right?

plus, i really don’t think we should keep those boom bands waiting.

they sound like a lot of fun.

Kelsie on New Zealand

2011-09-01T09:00:00.000-06:00

Our second guest post is Kelsie from Thoughts From the Girl Next Door. Kelsie is one of those real-life friends I have who really knows how to live life. She has taught me so much about celebrating the small things, not taking life to seriously, and how therapeutic dancing to Justin Bieber and Beyonce can be. I love this girl so much.

Hello everyone! I'm Kelsie from Thoughts From the Girl Next Door. I was so excited (and honored!) when Mandy asked me to guest post the other day, except I have to be honest: not only was I semi-intimidated (read: completely), I also had the hardest time figuring out what I wanted to write about.

Mandy was actually one of the first "blog friends" I made years ago. Not long after, I was lucky enough to become real life friends with her over a lunch at Cafe Rio and cupcakes at the Sweet Tooth Fairy. What I can say from being lucky enough to know Mandy, is that she is an intelligent, ambitious, beautiful person inside and out, and that she truly did marry the doppleganger of Jim off The Office. Looks, personality, everything = Kevin. So thank you Mandy for letting me be a part of your darling and beautiful blog, and letting me guest post!

What I wanted to write mostly about today was the experience I had this summer while living in New Zealand.

My parents like to tell me I have a small comfort zone; stubbornly I disagree, but I think most of the time I know they're right. I eat turkey, cheese, and bread for 90% of my meals. My friends are the same friends I've had since I was thirteen. And with one small 4-month exception, Utah has always been home.

When my dad first accepted a job that would take him 7,000 miles away, I remember one night asking him how he could be so brave? I think his response fell something along the lines of what Robert Frost once said, and that he was "taking the road less traveled" - but for whatever reason, that conversation has always remained with me.

When the chance came earlier this year to spend a part of my summer in New Zealand, although I knew it would be out of my comfort zone, I knew it would be an experience that could bless my life. So off I went!

Living six weeks in another country certainly doesn't make me an experienced world traveler, but those short six weeks gave me a taste of something different, and I think a little bit of courage. A few days after coming home, I saw a trailer for the movie "Life in a Day" (has anyone else seen it??) and watching it only confirmed what my experience abroad taught me in small a way.

I think the world has so much to offer; but it wasn't the beautiful landscape or the amazing countryside of New Zealand that inspired me so much, (and that's not to say that the country itself isn't completely gorgeous) - but it was understanding a different way of life through the people I met. Whether they were from South Africa, Pakistan, Australia, or New Zealand, these different ways of life made me appreciate the beauty life so much more.

And the best part of all of that? It was something that I didn't have to leave behind. As I boarded the plane and looked out the window, I realized that what I was taking home with me wasn't just the Tim Tam cookies in my carry on bag, it was a new perspective. It reminded me of something Henry Miller once said, "One’s destination is never a place, but a new way of seeing things.”

Not everyone is going to travel the world, and I may never be able to visit another country again, (and unfortunately I still remain the worlds pickiest eater) - but my summer in New Zealand taught me that it's not going to be the postcards or stamps in my passport that broaden my horizons, but the people and lives that I really take the time to really get to know.
And best of all? That can happen to anyone, anywhere the world will take you.

Thanks again so much Mandy for letting me share my thoughts!
And thanks to all of you for reading them!

Being a Lady

2011-08-31T09:00:00.002-06:00

The first guest post is from Brittany. Brittany went to my high school and is one of the nicest people I know. She inspires me daily with her blog and her lifestyle. I also think she is so beautiful. Whenever my single guy friends ask if I know anyone for them she is the first person I think of. She is really beautiful inside and out - I really like her so much.

Hello everyone! My name is Brittany and I'm excited to be posting today because I just think the world of Mandy and her blog. Her ladylike way is so evident in her poetry, her opinions, her aesthetic, and the bits of her life that she shares. I am inspired by women like her--women who are ladies.

Since reading Tom Ford's five commandments for gentlemen* several months ago, I've been creating my own unwritten list. I've been deciding what it means, at least for me, to be a lady. I don't think a lady necessarily has the largest jewelry collection or knows the prettiest way to fold a cloth napkin. She's not even precisely groomed or perfectly mannered.

I would say that I think a lady is thoughtful. That she has opinions and beliefs that are her own. I'd add that a lady is kind; that she listens carefully.

But my lady list is irrelevant.

All of the wonderful ladies I've known have some things in common, sure; but they have more differences. They've written their own lists and created their own lives. I know a great woman who feeds her family the best foods. I know a true lady who has red glasses and carries literary journals in her purse and another who paints late at night and prays in her car each morning. I know a lady who sings loudly in the shower. A true lady is herself. She is authentic and genuine. Honest. She knows her uniqueness is what agitates the pretentious and the prejudiced. She is not afraid of her own influence or her mistakes. A lady finds her own way to do what Tom Ford suggests: "You have to be passionate, you have to be engaged, and you have to be contributing to the world."

Really, she is her greatest self. And that's all I really want to be anyway.

But I want to know, what does being a lady mean to you?

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celebrating and leaving

2011-08-30T09:35:00.004-06:00

On Saturday Kevin and I went to our favorite place ever - Pizzeria 712 for dinner. We had set a savings goal a few months ago and when we reached it we decided to celebrate by going there.

While there, our waitress happened to be a friend from freshman year and she asked how often we go there. I told her only on special occasions so she asked what ours was. We didn't know what to say. Do you talk about celebrating savings goals with your waitress? We kind of awkwardly looked at each other until she filled up our water and walked away.

Pizzeria is never a bad choice. We have yet to have a bad meal there - everything is perfection, and the atmosphere is intimate and cozy. If you live in Utah and haven't been, you are really missing out. If you don't live in Utah you are still missing out, but I am sorry you live so far away.

I am heading to Canada until Thursday to do some training in our stores there and then have a commercial shoot to style on Friday. It all sounds more glamorous than it really is. In my absence I asked three gorgeous friends of mine to guest post. They are all so lovely and inspiring, I think you will really enjoy what they have to say.

Follow me on twitter if you want to hear about my adventures this week.

Have a good week friends.

Bees Knees

2011-08-29T11:06:00.004-06:00

My work gave me tickets to the Salt Lake Bees game for Friday night. We sat on the second row which was awesome, because then when the cheerleaders with weak arms (not judging, mine are weak too) throw out t-shirts and burrito's, we actually had a chance to catch them. There is nothing as American as a baseball game in the summer. Home-runs, vendors selling cotton candy and hot-dogs, and getting second-hand drunk because of the excessive amounts of beer.

Such a perfect way to start a weekend.

Ambition

2011-08-26T10:30:00.004-06:00

I didn't want law school. My parents always told me I should be a lawyer. "You would be good at it," they said. They think I am smart enough to do it, and I know they are right. I could do it - but just because you can do something doesn't mean you should - or that you have to.

Right now I work from 9-5, I teach from 5:30-9:00 two nights a week, and when I am not doing that, I am working on freelance writing projects or using those precious hours to relax with my husband, cook for pleasure (read: bake sugary treats) and read. I think that this schedule suits me because I am very busy, I feel a great sense of fulfillment at the end of the day - - and I contribute to my life and the lives of others. Still, I think about other things.

I see other people (including my husband) prepare for graduate education. My friends are going to medical school too, or law school, or graduate school - chasing the dreams they have always had. Other friends are having babies, or going on missions, or moving across the country for new jobs or schools or marriages. I wonder if maybe my education is not finished - I want desperately for it not to be finished, but I feel no need to become a lawyer or doctor or professor like I once thought I would. I feel no need to have kids yet. I feel no itch to move across the country.

I think it is easy to lose ourselves in school and work and ambition - because to be ambitious is to be fulfilled, right? To become something - to have that title is drastically important at this time in my circle. I am not saying this higher education is not important because it is terribly important. I just want it to feel important for the right reasons. To live a simple life with the ones you love doesn't seem to be enough. We are always in such a hurry to get somewhere, to become something - and my husband and I are as guilty of that as anyone.

So for now for those who are constantly asking, my plan is on not becoming anything. (but becoming everything at the same time.) I may never have a title in front of my name and pray my title never reads, "Doctor and Mrs. Voisin." I do not want to be the addendum to my husband's life and accomplishments. I do not want to ever be labeled as a "Housewife". I want to further my education whatever that means to me, and I want to be a mother someday but not yet and I want people to stop asking me when.

I want sheer happiness to be enough. I want my inspiration to come from simplicity. I want an honest life - not in the way that I am honest with others because I always try to be, but I just really want to be honest with my own ambition.

I want to be honest with myself about this life.

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heart haiku

2011-08-24T10:58:00.008-06:00

Red pants

2011-08-23T10:52:00.002-06:00

I fell in love with red pants on pinterest. There are so many ways to make them look classy while still being bold with your colors. I also tend to wear a lot of black, white and gray and red is the perfect pop of color for those tops.

The thing is, all of the pants I found everywhere else were super expensive but I found some on Amazon of all places for $23.00. 20. 3. I was worried about the quality but they actually look great and feel pretty good for pants I won't be wearing every day. (I always invest in quality jeans and classics) but for a pair of red pants I will probably wear... every other week at most I thought they were perfect and am considering getting them in Royal Blue as well.

I first ordered the medium which were much too big but the small fit perfectly. They also send you a free gift with every purchase and both of them were hilarious. (Yes I kept the free gift even when I exchanged the size.)

What I'm saying is, if you ever thought like me about investing in a pair of colored jeans early 90's reminiscent that you will eventually give away so you don't want to spend a lot of money, I found the source.

P.s. if someone can fix the images on my blog where I put my about, contact, friends, etc. from not showing up I will bake you a pie. You pick the flavor.

all images via

She's my Cherry Pie

2011-08-22T09:52:00.002-06:00

My dad was in a bit of an accident this weekend. Nothing too serious, but he did break some ribs and was in a lot of pain. Knowing that Cherry Pie is his weakness (despite my general dislike for it), I decided to practice my baking skills and make him one to cheer him up.

The filling I used from a can, but the crust I made from scratch for the first time in my life. Although completing a successful pie crust isn't exactly something to write home about, having it turn out so well gave me the confidence to push my baking boundaries even more. I love Nick Malgieri's book Bake so much I decided to cook everything in the book (that doesn't involve poached pears or walnuts) and can't wait to become a better baker.

(Oh - and my dad loved the pie. He said he it made him feel a little better already.)

Words of Encouragement

2011-08-19T09:29:00.002-06:00

Yesterday I guest blogged at Kristen's blog From Keen. She is so honest in her blog posts and so open about her life - so when she asked me to guest blog for her I knew it had to be an honest, heartfelt post. Most of the other posts were about love, so I knew mine would be about it, but it contains a lot about my past, what was different about mine and Kevin's relationship, and the best dating advice I have.

Visit her blog here if you want to read more - I think you will find it becoming a daily read for you. She is such a beautiful and kind person.

And, happy weekend friends.

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Shopping Thoughts

2011-08-18T10:00:00.003-06:00

My husband and I stood together in the new mall
which was clean and white and full of possibility.
We were poor so we liked to walk through the stores
since this was like walking through our dreams.
In one we admired coffee makers, blue pottery
bowls, toaster ovens as big as televisions. In another,

we eased into a leather couch and imagined
cocktails in a room overlooking the sea. When we
sniffed scented candles we saw our future faces,
softly lit, over a dinner of pasta and wine. When
we touched thick bathrobes we saw midnight

swims and bathtubs so vast they might be
mistaken for lakes. My husband's glasses hurt
his face and his shoes were full of holes.
There was a space in our living room where
a couch should have been. We longed for

fancy shower curtains, flannel sheets,
shiny silverware, expensive winter coats.
Sometimes, at night, we sat up and made lists.
We pressed our heads together and wrote
our wants all over torn notebook pages.
Nearly everyone we loved was alive and we

were in love but we liked wanting. Nothing
was ever as nice when we brought it home.
The objects in stores looked best in stores.
The stores were possible futures and, young
and poor, we went shopping. It was nice
then: we didn't know we already had everything.

- Faith Shearin

Kevin and I are guilty of this same kind of desire for materialism. We want to live comfortably, surrounded by pretty things. But Faith is right - - -

we already have everything.

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Summer Storm

2011-08-16T10:52:00.004-06:00

I used to worry that all of the content, the words had been spoken before me.

I wondered if there was anything original left,

if there was anything more for me to say and contribute,

if the Austen's and the Wordsworth's and the Oliver's had taken it all

and left nothing for me, no words left to say.

But I woke up the other night to hail pounding on my window,

flashes of lightning squeezing their way between the spaces in the blinds,

terror pounding through my heart.

I held tight to Kevin's hand and he smoothed my hair back sleepily,

whispering over and over,

"It's okay. It's okay. It's okay."

I fell asleep again, and woke to the brightest morning

and summer, welcoming me into its warmest rays

as if to apologize for my fear that night.

With all of those small moments of fear that are calmed with love,

there will never be a shortage of my words.

There will always be something new to speak.

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Weekend

2011-08-15T10:19:00.002-06:00

Kevin took me on a surprise whirlwind trip to Vegas over the weekend for our anniversary. He didn't tell me where we were going until we got there which made it so exciting and funny. Once we got to Vegas, he took me shopping and spoiled me with dinner and new clothes.

Around 9:00 he led me to Treasure Island, where we saw Mystere by Cirque du Soleil. I told him a long time ago that I had always wanted to see one of their shows, and he found tickets and planned our whole weekend around it. It was the most incredible, strange, and interesting thing I have ever experienced. I felt so encompassed by the talent and raw beauty of it all. We humans are such interesting creatures.

The truth is though, I wouldn't have cared if we had driven the entire weekend with no destination. Just to be alone with Kevin in the car where we could really talk and have fun together with no school or work or other time constraints was exactly what I needed. Sometimes I can't believe we have only known each other just over two years, and married for only one. He is such an essential part of me and who I am I wonder how I made it 21 years without him.

(the only picture from the trip - we were having too much fun to ruin it with pictures)

1 Year

2011-08-12T11:07:00.002-06:00

Kevin and I celebrate our one year anniversary this weekend.

This past year he has carried me through more tear-filled nights and panic moments then seem fair, and he does it so gracefully. If ever I felt unloved in my life, he has cured that entirely. He does not expect love to be reciprocated exactly - - it is not symmetry to him. It is altruistic. It is guileless.

The thing about being married to Kevin is that I don't just love him more after being married to him for a year now. His example of compassion and kindness has given me the ability to love everyone I know and meet with more love than I ever had before.

He has made my life more than I could have ever made of it alone, because he truly believes I can do anything I want to do in this world. His love is empowering.

Happy Anniversary Kev. The best thing I ever did was marry you.

Driving At Night

2011-08-11T11:21:00.002-06:00

Up north, the dashboard lights of the family car
gleam in memory, the radio
plays to itself as I drive
my father plied the highways
while my mother talked, she tried to hide
that low lilt, that Finnish brogue,
in the back seat, my sisters and I
our eyes always tied to the Big Dipper
I watch it still
on summer evenings, as the fireflies stream
above the ditches and moths smack
into the windshield and the wildlife’s
red eyes bore out from the dark forests
we flew by, then scattered like the last bit of star
light years before.
It’s like a different country, the past
we made wishes on unnamed falling stars
that I’ve forgotten, that maybe were granted
because I wished for love.

- Sheila Packa

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Prancing

2011-08-10T11:03:00.003-06:00

I keep this picture propped up next to my favorite book on my shelf so I can look at it all the time. I am wearing my favorite chicken dress, and I think - - I am prancing. I don't know what else you would call it.

Being an adult really takes a toll on you. There are so many things you cannot change, so many difficult experiences, and an overwhelming amount of responsibility. This picture makes me smile every time I see it as I realize that there is so much to look forward to. If only I could tell this prancing, carefree girl that things always get better, that you make it, despite the difficulty, that you graduate from college and you marry for love and you find happiness.

Back then, happiness was all I knew. Today, happiness is what I make. I don't know what's better, but I do know the alternative.

I will take any form of happiness I can get.

(this makes me the happiest, though.)

wishlist

2011-08-09T10:23:00.002-06:00

Kevin and I are celebrating our one year anniversary this upcoming weekend. He has a surprise get-away planned that I can't wait for, and I have a little surprise up my sleeve too.

He asked me what I wanted for our anniversary as far as gifts go and here is the list I gave him. How I love that man.

(and if we're dreaming... this sofa)

My birthday is two weeks away from Christmas, and I have never made a wish-list anytime other than September. Although I don't expect to get more than one small thing on my list, it was a fun change of pace to make one in the summer.

inside

2011-08-08T12:10:00.002-06:00

I am not ideal.

I do not have a perfect life -

or marriage (and especially not a perfect blog.)

I don't spend all my days taking pictures of myself in cute outfits,

Most days I feel like I don't have any cute outfits.

I get home too tired to cook almost every day of the week,

and I redecorate my house on a monthly - maybe weekly basis

because I never really feel satisfied with it.

I can't decide what I want to be...

Some days I think a designer - some days an author - some days a mom.

Most of the time I am just happy that I am a wife.

That I am surviving.

It is easy to get frustrated,

to feel like you are failing at everything, but - -

I would like to do this with as much failure as possible.

I would like to peel this life slowly and surely.

I would like to see what is inside this girl.

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2011-08-04T12:19:00.003-06:00

Sister told me I was way behind the times and set up a pinterest for me last night. What I have so far is nothing to write home about, but if you are interested you can follow me here.

If I can figure it out, I will probably follow you too.

creative power

2011-08-03T10:03:00.003-06:00

The other day I sat on the edge of my bed - the first moment to myself I felt like I'd had in weeks. I put my head in my hands and asked myself why things feel so out of control right now. I have never been one to meditate, and maybe this is the closest I will ever get - but it felt necessary at the time.

I realized that while I have so much going on right now in my life, maybe more than I ever have before, I am not stressed about that. I am not stressed about the looming possibilities my life can hold. I am not stressed about medical school, future jobs, future children - - Mostly, I am stressed that I will disappoint myself.

I have been on a Mary Oliver kick lately (obviously as seen here and here) - but there is this one quote, this thing that haunts me. It is the reason I am stressed. It is the reason I feel so overwhelmed.

"The most regretful people on earth are those who felt the call to creative work, who felt their own creative power restive and uprising, and gave to it neither power nor time."
— Mary Oliver

I knelt down and prayed after this moment, pleading over and over again,

"Please don't let this be me.

Please don't let this be me."

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Perfect Room

2011-08-02T09:09:00.002-06:00

I spend hours every week reading design blogs and looking for inspiration, but I almost feel that after looking at this image - - I could stop.

This is exactly what I want my home to look. My aesthetic summed up in one photo. Brilliant and modern yet traditional with a little bit of glam. Love love love.

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Afternoon Picnic at Rock Canyon Park

2011-08-01T12:15:00.003-06:00

"Summer afternoon -

Summer afternoon;

to me those have always been

the two most beautiful words

in the English language."

- Henry James

How to Read Poetry

2011-07-29T09:39:00.002-06:00

"For poems are not words, after all, but fires for the cold, ropes let down to the lost, something as necessary as bread in the pockets of the hungry."
— Mary Oliver

I think part of why people misunderstand poetry as a genre, is because they don't know how to read it. Something that should be understood is that it is not meant to be read all at once. It is too deep, so deep that if you try to read it in large amounts, you get overwhelmed easily which leads to boredom. Novels and literature contain stories, all of it enveloped into a larger work which means that it is saturated somewhat. You still feel the beauty and the honesty of it depending on the work, but not all at once. A good author won't make you feel too much too fast, it should be gradual and steady. (A sign of an amateur author is one who makes you feel so many emotions all at once without ever really reaching catharsis. It is a cheap shot at emotions called melodrama or bathos.)

With poetry, every word counts. Every period, every comma, every space counts. Because it shares a short emotion or story in a small space, it is very dense with meaning and richness. This richness in a sense, makes it easy to become overwhelmed when you try to read a lot of it all at once. You leave your reading session feeling confused rather than energized and inspired.

I have found, the best way for me to read poetry is in small doses because of this very reason. I keep my latest book of poems by my bedside and read two poems before bed, and two poems when I wake up. When I have time throughout the day I also pick up my copy, although usually it is just done morning and night. I find that by doing so, I am inspired as I fall asleep and as I wake up, setting the tone for my dreams or my day.

If you have ever felt overwhelmed with poetry, please give it another chance. It has touched me and moved me in a way that no other art form ever has.

My favorite poem collections for your reference:

Good Poems

Good Poems for Hard Times

Thirst

Sonnets from the Portugese

e.e. Cummings Complete Poems

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four-wheeling at duck creek last weekend

2011-07-27T10:37:00.003-06:00

With the wind whistling through our ears we rode on the trail,

I sat behind him, pulling tighter on faster turns,

And releasing my grip when the road had less rocks and more dirt.

I read my own body through my grip, much like our marriage so far,

Eleven months of hard, fierce grips and some months of letting go,

Letting the wind whistle through our ears without gripping or fear sometimes.

The landscape changes as we go steeper, the trees more dense,

Each pine distinct before but now lost in this forest of forests.

And when he begins to sing out loud,

The smell of exhaust and dirt and the beauty of nature fills my mouth.

Listening to his tones echo this mountain scape, the taste of it all overwhelms me.

The taste is so sweet.

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Classic Fashion

2011-07-26T10:03:00.004-06:00

The older I get, the more mature I am becoming about my clothing styles. I still like the occasional sequin cardigan and bold scarf, but more and more I am beginning to invest in classic pieces. Black skinny trousers, the perfect white blouse, and a nice pair of nude and black heels. Too often in the past I found myself buying trendy items, or cheaper items simply because I wanted more. These photos remind me that in fashion, sometimes more is just .... more.

Blueberry Muffs

2011-07-25T09:38:00.002-06:00

When I saw these gorgeous blueberries at the store, I knew I had to buy them, I just didn't know what I was going to do with them yet. I opened Bake, a cookbook by Nick Malgieri, gifted from a dear friend for our wedding. The book is so beautiful but also simple and functional at the same time, something I think every great cookbook should be like.

The muffins turned out perfectly. Fluffy and light, while not overly sweet. If you have only made blueberry muffins from the box before, I highly recommend this recipe.

2 cups all purpose flour

1/2 cup sugar

1 Tablespoon baking powder

1/4 teaspoon salt

8 Tablespoons (1 stick) melted butter, slightly cooled

1 large egg

1 cup milk

Fold in 1 1/2 cups rinsed, dried blueberries

Sprinkle the tops with 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon and 2 Tablespoons sugar before baking

Bake at 375 degrees for about 20 minutes, or until brown on top

Boat People

2011-07-22T09:47:00.002-06:00

My family and I, we are boat people. My dad grew up on the lake with his dad, and my mom spent weeks every summer at Lake Powell. I learned how to water-ski when I was just little, and most of my best and favorite summer memories involve boating with my family. Kevin knew when he married me that we would have a boat someday.

It's in our blood. We are boat people.

It was so fun to take Kevin's family out with mine. In a way it felt like an initiation into the family or something. We had a great time, and can't wait to go back again with them.

End of Bed Bench

2011-07-21T09:12:00.002-06:00

I love the look of a bench at the end of a bed, and always want somewhere to put my clothes when I am too lazy to hang them up, rather than leaving them on the floor. (Sad to say its half looks, half laziness). I found the most amazing bench on craigslist yesterday for a steal, and can't decide exactly what I want to do with it yet. Part of me wants something fun like zebra or a bold print and part of me wants to do black or white leather. This is what my bed currently looks like:

Any ideas?

Interview 101

2011-07-20T09:36:00.002-06:00

I do a lot of interviewing and hiring for my company, since we aren't really big enough for an HR team. We see a lot of great and competent interviewers, and a lot of less than prepared interviewers. Although I don't consider myself an expert in this area at all, I have received a couple of emails asking for interview tips, and after this last exhausting round of interviews, here are some of my tips for landing a job.

Most of you probably know all of these, but if anything it is a good refresher and you may learn a thing or two. It is a tough job market, and it would be sad not to get an interview or hired for a simple mistake!

(The first post I will do is for resumes. I will follow up with an interview post next week.)

Resume tips:

1. Your resume should NEVER, under any circumstance be longer than one page. Any longer than that and your interviewer will get bored of it, and annoyed at flipping through the pages. (Yes, pages, I received one resume this week that was 5 pages long.)

2. Make the most of your space. White space is important for aesthetic reasons, but get to the point with your objective and organize it so the fonts, bullet points, and punctuation are all consistent.

3. If you are applying for a professional job, make your objective professional. Do not mention long walks in the rain, dancing in the dark, or getting ready for your "Life to take flight" with this new career.

4. Remember your audience. If you are applying for a desk job, do not use your hair-stylist resume. I learned this the hard way, and currently have about five resumes (Marketing, fashion, writing/editing, academic, medical.)

5. Make your name, email address and phone number prominent. Also, do not put nicknames on your resume. For example, if your name is Andrea and you go by Annie just put Annie. Do not put Andrea (Annie) Jones.

6. Dates are necessary. Future employers want to see how long you have been in any position. Most of them also want some idea of how old you are, so putting your graduation dates on your resume is important.

7. Do not ever have spelling errors. This might sound obvious, but if you know your resume really well have someone proofread it for you. Often you have misspellings for the situation, and spell check will not pick those up.

8. If you want to include references, make sure you include what relationship they have to you. Never include family members, even if their last name is different. Also, make sure your references know they are a reference. There is nothing worse than calling a reference only to find that they do not remember the individual, or when they are a family member who was unprepared to give a professional reference.

I know some of these might sound simple, but hopefully they help someone who is looking for a job. Any others I missed that you think should be included?

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On HP

2011-07-19T09:37:00.003-06:00

I told myself there was no need to write about Harry Potter. It has been done and said before, everything that I want to say on blogs, in newspapers, in conversations. But the thing is, Harry Potter has had a profound influence on me. On my own experience growing up, and on my own childhood.

I first heard of Harry Potter from my doctor. I went in for a sore throat and he asked me, "Have you read Harry Potter?" I thought the name was ridiculous, but when I received my first paperback copy of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone for Christmas, I read all night under the covers and finished the next day. From then on, I went to every book release and every midnight movie (except the last one, curse of the full-time worker). I was the co-founder of a club in High School called The Order of the Phoenix, as dorky as that is. We waited in line all night for HP7, and met for lunch a few days later, talking for hours about the book and our predictions and our mutual experience of being blown away by this series.

After seeing the final movie last night, I feel pretty empty knowing that it really has come to an end. HP taught me that being smart is cool, that being brave is necessary, that morals still matter. As cliche as it is, I feel so indebted to J.K for a childhood of reading and adventure. She has inspired me so much as an aspiring author and future mother who will raise children in a world struggling with courage and morals.

Without a small tribute to her and the series, it wouldn't feel right.

Breakfast Date

2011-07-18T09:41:00.005-06:00

Saturday morning I had a short business meeting which Kevin studied during, and afterwards we went to Magelby's Fresh for their French toast and orange juice. No pictures of Kevin were taken because he hates taking pictures, and the morning was too nice to argue with him about it.

We just sat outside on a table and ate our French toast and most of the time we were quiet, which would have worried me if I were dating him. I would have worried that being quiet was a sign that we were not compatible, or that we were bored easily together, but now I realize that being quiet is a positive thing. We can be together and enjoy each other without talking or noise. Being quiet is a good thing, and I am so happy I have someone I can be quiet with.

Wild and Precious

2011-07-14T09:21:00.003-06:00

"You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves."

- Mary Oliver

I try so much to be good. To be good at everything I do, to be a good employee and piano teacher and wife and friend and sister and daughter and everything else I am. Sometimes I feel spread so thin in this life, and I don't know how to change it.

But I think I do love this soft animal of my body enough to make changes where necessary. And that is now. My one, "Wild and precious life," as Mary Oliver also speaks about will be exactly what I call my life. Because how else could you diagnose this thing we live? I wouldn't want it any other way.

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Turning off the dark

2011-07-13T09:36:00.004-06:00

Yesterday with a student, he asked me,

"What if instead of turning on the light,

You could turn off the dark?"

I told him I had thought that before,

because it was true after all.

I have seen my share of darkness,

I have wanted to turn it off

because turning the light on

seemed to be too much. Too hard.

But it was there in the dark that I realized

that darkness, too, can be a friend.

The dark teaches love to ones self.

It is in my own times of darkness when I learned

how much better it is to live in the light,

and how good the light feels to a soul in the dark.

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Happy Sumo II

2011-07-12T09:10:00.004-06:00

If you are trying to find me on any given Friday or Saturday night, chances are you can probably find us at Happy Sumo. Even with their 50% off VIP night, we are probably keeping them in business. We took Bobby along this time, and absolutely love having him here in Utah. He is such a mini Kev.

This time we ventured out and got the sorbet line-up and the tempura banana split. Both worth the trip there, and at half off, you really can't go wrong.

I feel so lucky to have married into a family that I love to spend time with. I worried so much before I got married that I would fight with my sister-in-laws or get annoyed with my brother-in-laws but it doesn't happen. I really love them, and that is so good.

Lithuania

2011-07-11T09:08:00.004-06:00

Sister Jessica opened her mission call on Saturday night to the Baltic mission - serving in Lithuania, Estonia and Latvia and speaking Lithuanian.

She was so shocked when she opened it that she laughed and cried all at the same time. All of us there kept screaming, "Lithuania?" "The Baltic?" and immediately opened our iPhones for a map of this place we had never heard of.

To say I am proud of her would be an understatement. I am so full of joy, in an indescribable way. If you want to see my cry in the near future, just ask me about Jessica leaving on her mission. It is foolproof and works anytime, anywhere. As of late: fast food drive through's, grocery store parking lots and the office. I love that girl so much.

Project Runway Season 8

2011-07-08T10:00:00.002-06:00

Not too long ago I blogged about watching Season 7 of Project Runway. Right after I finished it they posted Season 8, and needless to say, I finished it last weekend.

I liked Season 8 even better, because a lot of the designers created clothes I would actually wear. It was really inspiring to hear their different backgrounds and stories and especially to see what they created. What they could do in such a short time span is really incredible, at least worth watching one episode.

Being inspired, I decided to start sewing again. I took a clothing class in High School but I haven't really done much yet. I ordered fabric this morning, and am so excited to start some simple projects to start out. Do any of you know of some great sewing blogs with tutorials? I am going to need all the help I can get.

Family

2011-07-07T09:32:00.002-06:00

The month of June, my entire family was together. I used to take those times for granted so much, but when my sister Lacey moved away to college I felt the first sting of separation. If I ignore it, I can pretend that we are all okay without each other. But when I stop and think about it, even for a minute I break down a little. (SometimesinthegrocerystoreparkinglotsorryKev).

The truth is, that we are all okay without each other. We can survive. But there is something about togetherness, when all of us are there, all at once, all in the same space. That's the right thing, I think.

We are not all together any more, and some of us are leaving for a year and a half. So maybe that is why I keep looking at these pictures of the lake, just to remember what it is like to be all together. Even for a little while.

YRead

2011-07-05T11:30:00.000-06:00

I was asked by the YRead blog (the BYU Bookstore's new blog) to do a guest post on my thoughts on the need for American literature in lieu of the holiday weekend. Although the blog itself is new, it is already an ideal place to visit for people who are booky or people who need to be encouraged to become booky.

American literature is my very favorite genre. Although I enjoyed my British, French and Russian lit classes, there is nothing as fresh or beautiful as American.

I ended up writing something very personal and honest about American literature drawn from my own past and love of books. Feel free to read my post here.

And I hope your fourth of July was as sparkly as mine was.

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on learning the pledge

2011-07-01T09:11:00.003-06:00

My first day in American school started out with The Pledge of Allegiance. As though I wasn’t already frightened enough, what with a huge round of immunizations the day before, boys in my classroom (I previously attended an all-girls private school) and being introduced by my teacher as the new girl from Japan (not Japanese, not even a little bit) - I had never heard of The Pledge of Allegiance. Everyone stood up and faced the flag with their hands on their hearts and I lost it. Every overwhelming aspect of that day so far was felt, and the fact that I didn’t know what we were doing with our hands over our hearts seemed to be the hardest of all. I felt my eyes well with tears, and ran to the bathroom to sob.

When I got home that night, I was determined to memorize that thing. My mom printed it out for me from the internet, and I studied it all night. I had always been good at memorizing poems, and when I recited it to my dad over the phone (he was finishing up business in Japan), I had never been so proud. I showed up nervous for class the next morning, and stood up proudly when the class did, placed the right hand over my heart, and almost yelled The Pledge with my class. I felt like everyone was watching me, ready to see me mess up and start crying again, which made me want to say it even louder.

Looking back on that experience, I feel so grateful for a country that believes that we are “One nation, under God.” Until you live without that, I don’t think you can fully appreciate it.

I hope your Fourth of July is wonderful.

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Shower for Miss

2011-06-30T10:39:00.004-06:00

Last night my mom and sisters and I threw Melissa a baby shower. We are not boy experts, having only one in our family and all nieces so far, but it was fun to plan something for a baby boy. We had so much good food, talked for hours and patted her tummy more times than she probably cared for.

My biggest regret is not getting a picture of her cute pregnant self. (I also neglected to get one with Allison - (Hi Allison! I know you are reading this) or Hills.

I drove my sister Lacey home after the shower to her in-laws where she is staying for a few days. Out of nowhere a deer ran out from some bushes in front of our car. Luckily we stopped in time, but really, we barely missed it. We sat there for awhile with our hands on our hearts in the middle of the road and kept asking each other, "Are you okay? Are you okay?"

Today I am sitting at my desk, feeling so grateful for such an enjoyable night. For safety in the midst of deer jaywalks, and the fact that we can ask each other, "Are you okay?" Because sometimes the answer is no, but at least for now, we are all okay.

On Kindness

2011-06-29T10:22:00.003-06:00

I think there is something that should be said about kindness.

I don't know what point in your life it is when you come to the mature decision that you want to be kind, but I wish I had reached it much, much sooner. You can teach good morals to your children, you can teach them how to dress, you can teach them politeness, but I think kindness is a decision each person has to make and I believe, it has to be an entirely conscious decision. You are not kind. You choose to be kind.

I say this because I married a very kind person. Or rather, a man who chooses to be kind. Every time I begin to say something negative about someone else I try to catch myself because of him. He never joins in the slandering. He listens, like a good husband should but he cannot add to the negativity. It is simply not in his nature. He is especially kind to me. So kind that, because I am not quite as good as him, I push his kindness on purpose at times - yet he always, always responds with kindness.

I used to want to be popular and beautiful and famous. But because of him, I really just want to be kind. Consciously kind.

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The Shack

2011-06-28T09:03:00.002-06:00

"Each relationship between two persons is absolutely unique. That is why you cannot love two people the same. It simply is not possible. You love each person differently because of who they are and the uniqueness that they draw out of you."

This is not the sort of book I typically read. Most often I research my books ahead of time by reading reviews, or discussing them with my sisters - who read more than anyone. This time though, I was at the airport and a co-worker recommended the book to me.

I am on the fence about whether I liked it or not. I surely didn't love it, but I feel like there were some important things I learned from it. From a literary standpoint, it was a disaster. Most of it was dialogue for the sake of dialogue, when only one character was saying anything worthwhile. The main character struggles to develop because other characters are so strongly developed. Admittedly, this book has a lot of flaws.

I was reading it at the dentist, and he asked me what it was about. "Theology" I replied, although I wasn't entirely sure. It is a Christian book, but not really theology - I am not sure where I would put it. At the beginning it states that you can decide for yourself whether or not the events are true. I hated that. Either it's true or it's not - it was too bizarre to be creative nonfiction, and if based on real events, I am not sure what those events are. I was bothered that I couldn't place it in any genre, and that no truth is admitted.

Still, there were some beautiful, redeeming themes that made it a worthwhile read - (if you have already read the Western Canon :) So much was based on forgiveness, moving on, and most of all God's love. Although I definitely don't agree that God is a black woman who cooks all day, some of the text reminded me of God's own love for me. There is a part similar to the miracle of Peter walking on water. That has always been one of my favorite parts of the New Testament, because I think we are all so much like Peter. I also love any sort of fable or tale told within a story and there is a great one about an Indian maid.

Honestly though, I probably wouldn't recommend this book. There are so many more books that made me feel so much more alive than this one, although that was its blatant aim. However, if you enjoy reading Christian literature, you might love it.

Have you read The Shack? What did you think?

Emerson Lynn

2011-06-27T10:40:00.001-06:00

This girl made my Lake Powell trip worth every second.

I promise, she is the cutest thing.

Upon Return

2011-06-24T15:27:00.003-06:00

Earth's crammed with heaven,

And every common bush afire with God,

But only he who sees takes off his shoes;

The rest sit round it and pluck blackberries.

- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Upon my return from a week at the Lake,

this poem is the only thing in my thoughts.

The Help

2011-06-20T09:18:00.002-06:00

"Wasn't that the point of the book? For women to realize, we are just two people. Not much separates us. Not nearly as much as I thought."

I bought my first copy of "The Help" for my grandma for mother's day, 2010. My dad recommended it and asked me to buy it for her and write a note inside it from him, since he was in Connecticut at the time. I bought it without thinking about reading it myself, but after several friends and family members who were shocked when I told them I hadn't read it myself, I bought a copy for myself, and finished it in three days.

This is the kind of book where you fall in love with the characters. Usually when books are told from different points of view, I always have a favorite voice that I can't wait to get back to. (Think Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, or The Poisonwood Bible) But Aibileen, Minny and Miss Skeeter were all my favorites, in their own way. Their voices were unique and fresh and their characters very believable. I could feel their love developing throughout the pages in a realistic way. I felt a stronger appreciation for the sacrifices these women experienced in order to bring about a much-needed change.

That being said, I was disappointed for a few days after finishing it. I suppose after all of the hype it received I would feel different after reading it - that it would resound with me even weeks afterwards because of its profound prose and heart-stringed sentences. Then I realized that the beauty of this novel is its subtle truth. Kathryn Stockett didn't go overboard with her literature, nor did she underwhelm me. She told the truth. And after reading the truth, you don't just think about it for a couple days after finishing it - you think about it anytime there is a need for the truth in your life. It took some time for that to finally settle inside of me but now that it has, I can honestly recommend The Help to anyone who believes that the world is changed in small ways by simple people.

What did you think of The Help?

Hotel Room at the Wynn

2011-06-17T10:09:00.002-06:00

I realize that not everyone wants to see the hotel room I stayed in on my trip to Vegas. However, I enjoy seeing hotel room photos on other blogs, because sometimes their simplicity translates into design that would work for any home. I also wanted Kevin to see what he missed out on by not coming :)

My trip was wonderful, but the next week I anticipate being even better. I am taking my first vacation since our honeymoon with my family on a houseboat in Lake Powell. Forgive me if posting is slow, and happy weekend!

The Vegas

2011-06-16T10:14:00.004-06:00

Last night I returned from a four day business trip to Vegas. I have been there several times throughout High School and College with friends, but never really got the full experience. Those times I was always concerned with money and heat. This time was so different. I had a beautiful hotel room at the Wynn (I will post photos of that tomorrow - totally worth its own post,) the company took us out for breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday at the most amazing restaurants, and I met some truly incredible and successful people. If it weren't for Kevin and everyone I love being in Utah, I would have loved staying in that dream of an experience forever.

My breakfast at The Sugar Factory. Crème brûlée crepes with raspberry sorbet. Exquisite.

Largest H&M in the world. Do yourself a favor and go to Vegas just for that H&M.

Shopping spoils.

Love to be Had

2011-06-11T14:34:00.006-06:00

"He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you."

- Bob Marley

People ask me sometimes if being married now is a hard adjustment. Every time I want to laugh. Of course it is hard. I come from a family of all girls - he grew up in a Bachelor pad. We don't agree on everything, we don't agree on a lot of things. We are two different people from very different worlds who dated for a year and a half and are sticking it out to be together forever. But ask me if I love it?

Yes. Every second of it.

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love you long time

call with Jess

Insta - Life - January

Being a Mormon

suspicious

Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening

sweater party

crossing paths

simplicity

2011

new year

"if I was in charge of making snow globes..."

The Glow

winner

Christmas Book Giveaway

23

Elsewhere

Savior of the World

silent prayers

Christmas at the Voisin's

Birthday/Christmas Wishlist

kind

gratitude

Nashville

brave

18 months

ending the day

The Catcher in the Rye

goodbyes

winter snow

love languages

piece of foreign sky

The Wednesday Wars

Portland II

The Historian

Multnomah Falls

Portland I

Portland Bound

subconscious

alone but not lonely

cutest gift

it's not personal, it's business

wherein i read old journals before bed

look who arrived...

what we came for

things to say

too much to handle

mantra

Podcasts

Little Mermaid

Finding Beauty

Oh Canada

Strawberry Cake

kristen on oh the places you'll go

Kelsie on New Zealand

Being a Lady

celebrating and leaving

Bees Knees

Ambition

heart haiku

Red pants

She's my Cherry Pie

Words of Encouragement

Shopping Thoughts

Summer Storm

Weekend

1 Year

Driving At Night

Prancing

wishlist

inside

Pinterest

creative power

Perfect Room

Afternoon Picnic at Rock Canyon Park

How to Read Poetry

four-wheeling at duck creek last weekend

Classic Fashion

Blueberry Muffs

Boat People