Girl in the Glass

I didn't always like me. My adolescent years, in fact, were sated with me not liking me. And, although later then desired, I am beginning to realize that I never really knew me. I knew my imitation. I knew my supposed best side which transformed into a monster threatening to mask who me is forever. I knew the me that I thought everyone else wanted, never really being... me. Over the past couple years, she has unearthed herself. And you know what? She is not as even tempered, or as beautiful physically, or popular. But she in fact, is more honest, and more passionate, and more fun. Much, much more fun. She is also unfeigned, and not two-faced, and not insecure.
This realization felt like synesthesia to my heart, where my sight and my heart began to correspond with the young girl in the mirror. "I know her," I began to feel. And I began to love the girl staring back. I also, began seeking for her approval, because the girl on the other side wanted me to be me, and a good me. And I had so much fun, beginning to understand that girl, and beginning to let her be her own kind of beautiful. No longer an imitation.
The girl in the mirror prefers to go barefoot if possible. She thinks no makeup is desirable, and gossip is overrated and unkind. She has compassion on those who struggle socially, instead of pretending she is above them. She waits sometimes three days to wash her hair, and often would rather watch Pride and Prejudice for the 151st time with her Mom then see friends. She keeps secrets. She confronts those who have hurt her feelings, and is quick to anger and quick to forgive. She is nice to people, and honest with herself and Heavenly Father and wipes tears away from her eyes when she talks to friends and they are real tears, and not pretend. And her split ends, and flat chest, and unshaved legs are part of her, and her smile is real and same with her hands. And she is me. And I love her. And I didn't always, but I do now. And I am excited to take her along with me for the rest of my life.

-- Some luck lies not in getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known. --Garrison Keillor, Lake Woebegone Days

1 comment:

Jeff said...

This post is beautiful. I find that knowing, and genuinely accepting, oneself is a notably amiable quality. I respect you greatly, and wish I could posses a portion of the confidence which you posses.