11.16.2011

18 months

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My sister left today. For weeks I have been sad, and not just because she was leaving but because I had this big goodbye I felt like we needed to say. I thought about it all the time when I was alone, wondering what my last words to her would be, how much I would cry, what would be unspoken. I have been carrying this lump around in my throat for days, and keep tissues in every pocket.

Our actual goodbye was a little rushed. We hugged, and I meant to get a picture but I forgot. When I pulled away from our tight hug, we both had tears that weren't there before. She forced a smile, and it was a sad smile and I told her I loved her and she left.

Somehow my drive back brought me peace. I thought about what she is doing for the first time really. I realized that God loves her as much as I do and somehow that made me feel better than anything else. I realize it may seem dramatic to react this way, and that's fine with me.

Now that she is officially gone, I feel so lucky to love her enough to miss her this much. Missing someone is sort of beautiful if you can get past the painful part. The reality is that she misses me just as much and I think that the mutual missing is poetic and sad and lovely all at once.

p.s. if you want to keep up with Jessica you can follow her mission blog here, which I will be managing.

photo taken last night on instagram

7 comments:

It's A Love Story said...

Cute! Where is she going?

Kaitlin Marie Photography said...

Just sent her a letter (: She is going to be amazing. Literally life changing.

Emma said...

saying goodbye is so hard. my brother is leaving right after christmas and i am already so sad. i hope you're doing okay!

lowercase letters said...

i can't imagine my sister leaving me going somewhere. thinking of you during this tough time! i'm gonna go check out her blog.
hugs on this thursday morning to you, friend!

Lizzy said...

I'm so excited for her and so sad for you at the same time! Jess will be amazing. serving a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the most amazing, challenging, heartbreaking, and rewarding thing in the world.

Love you and hope you got my letter!

Sheryl said...

The 18 months may not go super fast for you, but the work is worth the longing for you sister. you know that, but i know my mom would want me to tell you that. she missed me so much when i served. i love you, mandy. call me if you ever need a listening ear.

Sheryl said...

The 18 months may not go super fast for you, but the work is worth the longing for you sister. you know that, but i know my mom would want me to tell you that. she missed me so much when i served. i love you, mandy. call me if you ever need a listening ear.