2.08.2012

my thoughts this evening

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There are too many places and things, and you can do anything but not everything they say which is not enough, because what does one do when everything is everything and anything is not. I look at graduate schools in my free time - all over the country, even though I know that is not where we will live. I want to be in Paris and New York and even Kentucky because there are things to be in every place, and I can't believe the unfair fact that I only get this one life. I look for jobs in my free time when I am not working, not because I don't love my job because I do - but because something is not everything. I get angry when my free time is used to try to contain my free time, but that is what I do because what does one do with free time, really? There is no rest for the chronically restless. Every thought, every fact, every place, every experience. Some say they have a thirst for life - but I think I have a desperation for this existence.

I want everything not anything.

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3 comments:

Brittany said...

I logged onto blogger right when you posted this, which was most likely not a coincidence at all. When people read something of mine and tell me that they wish they had written it, and I can somehow tell that they really mean it--that is the best compliment of all.

Mandy, I wish I'd written this. It is so true to me. You're just fabulous.

Jane Garner said...

i love your blog.

Nathan Brough said...

if I could write so beautifully, I would write the same things, and they would be true.