couple friends rant
I have been thinking a lot about making friends as an adult. This article spurred the thought, but moving to a new place has really made me think about it too. I'm in the process of making new friends, and I have met some of the nicest people ever so far, but we are still in the new stages of friendship. I've said it before and I'll say it again - I feel like most of my friends were inherited (see photo above.) We grew up together, we stayed friends, we married guys who get along. So even though I have made new friends over the years I didn't really need to, if that makes sense. I already had friends. But coming to Arizona and starting all over has been a different story. (Even though I have Liz with me here, albeit 30 minutes away. Ignore this L & B, I'm not talking about you.)
What I've found so far though, is that making new friends as a married woman is entirely different than making friends as a single college student. You're not just making friends with a girl or a guy - you are making friends with a couple. And instead of calling up a couple to come chill and watch TV with you, you have to plan things. A "dessert party", "game night (THIS MEANS CATCH PHRASE EVERY TIME"), a "make your own pizza night!" or my personal favorite, "potluck."
Don't get me wrong, I usually have fun at all of those things, but I hate the formality of it. The awkwardness when the night ends as though you're saying goodnight to your first date and you don't want to kiss him at the door. The planning part that is always left up to the wives which is probably why it becomes formal. The get-to-know-you questions like, "Where did you two meet?", "How long have you been married?", "What did you both study?" I want to rip my hair out when people ask me those things because the answers to those questions ARE SO BORING. And I ask them back to people not because I care, but because that's what you do. You ask questions with boring answers.
But what am I supposed to do? Tell the girls that I'm interested in hanging out with them but I don't care if they bring their husbands? And also that husbands are optional? I mean, I like couple friends sometimes but not every time. I'm not really sure what I'm looking for. I've talked about it with my sisters and mom and they all laugh and admit that things become more formalized after you are married. You could just show up like in the college days and play Xbox and order a pizza and then end up at Sonic for cream slushes... but you don't. You have formal dinner parties and game nights like your parents did. I have left so many of those activities and feel like I know less about the people I was there with than when the night started. I mean, I knew how long they have been married, and where they are from but not the important stuff like how bad their homemade polenta tasted (of course it was terrible - it's polenta) or what their crazy cat lady neighbor did yesterday morning or whether they are Team Peeta or Team Gale. You know, the important stuff.
Also, married people want to go to bed early which I used to think was embarrassing but I find myself doing the same thing. Why do we have to go to bed early? So we can watch a couple hours of Breaking Bad before bed and fall asleep around 1 am? Why not stay out a little later with our friends? - Oh yeah. Because they are all couple friends and they all go to bed early too.
What I really want is a friend who will come drop in and watch Bachelor with me shamelessly. We could maybe shop online while we watch and ask each other if that shirt from JCrew is really worth $70. If she's a good friend, she probably won't talk me out of it. Later we can grab a greasy taco and when our husbands get home from school they can join us and we can have an Arrested Development marathon. Later we might go swimming in the dark and plan a trip to Mexico for the next weekend.
If you think that sounds fun, give me a call. I promise never to ask you when you plan on having kids.