2.03.2009

My Life be Like....

A long time ago, never mind how long, I had this strange, romantic idea. I thought that if I could sit for a moment, and plan out my future in my mind, it would come true. I would sit for hours awake in bed and tell myself that I would have these adventures, and I would be the most beautiful girl at the party always, and that I would be ambitious, and talented enough to do everything I needed when I needed to, regardless of age or space or time. I would be flirtatiously short, blond, busty, and rich, (none of which I happen to be) and I would have several beau's all of whom would be delighted with gratitude to be with me. Needless to say... I was a precocious child. And I am delighted to not be that girl. Sometimes our experiences, our tragedies, our pain and tears make us not only better people morally, but usually more fun, more understanding and empathetic, and more aware of what we do have. Deborah Keenan put it this way, "this path, this road that is one perfect straight line even if it goes around the world through heat and fog and rain and snow and its my life I keep thinking. Its my life." This heat and fog and rain and snow become who we are. A big mess of emotions that can never really find their way home until it is all over. Strangely enough however, I do believe in destiny, or fate if you will. But I believe we make it ourselves. And I will send this belief into the void, and ask you, whoever you are, to read. And maybe communicate. But mostly stop living life without that intact emotion, despite the fire and fog and rain. And love yourself in a way that you think you have come to deserve. Then deserve it.

2 comments:

Jessica said...

Sorry I turned out to be the blond, busty one. Loved it Mands.

True said...

My Life Be Like... Sounds Like The Title Of A Rap Song