2.02.2011

Crying

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I think I might be getting old young. I used to cry all the time, but it usually wasn't when I was happy, it was when I was sad. But now I find myself crying about everything all of the time, and I can't explain it.

I remember going to a Utah State hockey game with my BFF Lizzie. I don't remember anything about the game itself (although I love to watch hockey live more than any other sport) but I remember the half-time so vividly.

A team of little girls on ice skates came out holding hands, in little blue leotards with fur capes. They performed, and then all of the skaters exited the rink except one. The one skater began moving so gracefully on the ice, dancing and twirling, and moving so exceptionally for someone so small. I felt my eyes well up with tears at the sheer beauty of it. It felt like there was nothing bad in the world at that time. When it finally finished, cold tears were running down my face, and I looked over at Liz and her eyes were filled with tears also. And now we look back and laugh at it, and we both can't explain what it was that touched us so deeply, but it was there and the emotions were real.

Now that I am older I feel like I recognize beauty more distinctly. A piano student finally grasping a concept and improving because of it, an email from my sister who is thousands of miles away, but still makes me laugh as hard as if she were next to me, watching my sister-in-law make wedding plans and realizing that she is making the way for her own family, and seeing my husband study for hours because he believes in us, and our future.

I still cry selfish tears, but more often I am finding myself get emotional over things that never would have touched me before. And although I recognize that I need to reign it in sometimes because I don't want to be one of those moms who cries when their kid ties his or her shoelaces for the first time, I don't think I will ever get over the beauty of relationships, and life, and its unexpected way of teaching you that people matter more than anything.

19 comments:

Alex said...

Beautifully said. I know exactly what you mean.

Jessica Lynn said...

I completely agree. There is something about the simple things in life that just makes me tear up now. But I'd rather it be that way than not noticing them at all.

Brittany said...

I can totally relate to this. Over the past couple of years, I have cried at the most ridiculous things, but they were beautiful things to me. I think most of my tears are joyful tears now--the recognition that life is full of goodness. More than I ever knew.

Joelle said...

This happens to me all the time, and I've only recently come to accept it. It does get rather embarrassing when i find myself tearing up at something that isn't even remotely touching...

But thank you for sharing. It's good to know that I'm not the only one :)

xoxo,
Joelle

andrea said...

I'm a big-time crier, and it's embarrassing at times (ie. when I'm driving to work in the morning, crying for the radio contest winner who just sounds SO HAPPY OH MY GOSH).

Jessica said...

I have cried many, many tears over emails over here. I honestly think my tear average is once a day. I love you sis

kara lynn said...

you are not the only one dear. i cry reading the obituaries. and i think i'm pathetic. but i kind of like it. that i am tender that way.

beautiful

communikate. said...

yep. my mom would cry over anything growing up, and we always would say "oh. mom! geez.. stop crying it's just a hallmark commercial!"

i totally do it now too! ha.

Shalyn said...

I feel the same way. Thankyou for saying we are just more sensitive to beauty instead of my husband who calls me a wimp;-)

Prix ° said...

This is beautiful and true!

kylee said...

i am the world's biggest cry baby. books, movies, friends, funny things, sad things, spiritual things, music. you name it and i can produce tears. and once they start i swear they never stop. i used to be embarrassed about it but i have come to realize that it's okay to let so many things touch me enough to lead to tears.

Sist and Sist said...

i teared up just read this! i do the same. at tv commercials. nice things people do for one another. national anthem at a football game. even during espn specials. :)

Julie Carol Standley said...

i can definitely relate. i cry happy tears so much more since i got married especially. for instance (one tree hills) episode last night when they exchanged their vows i balled my eyes out. or opening a letter or email from my husband. just little things to everyone else but seem so much more meaningful now.

Christa said...

When I first saw your title for this one I was like...Oh gosh, Mandy is Pregnant! haha I know what you mean though...the littlest things bring tears for me. I mostly cry when I listen to the words of country songs. I'm such a cheese ball.

Ana* said...

You have such a way with words. This happens to me all the time. I cry when I am sad, happy, angry, confused. It seems like that's my new way of showing emotions. "not that I like it," because I don't like being perceived as emotional but I can't control it.

Mallory Camille said...

Love this Mandy. "...people matter more than anything." I think it's especially touching to see simple goodness in human beings when we are surrounded by so much negative in the world. Glad I'm not the only cry baby.

kels said...

I cry like that probably every day. Most people think I'm "tough," and then there's the irony that I cry ALL the time. I probably cry in almost every book, I cry watching commercials, I cry when someone says something sweet... I mean I'm not sobbing or anything, but getting teary is a special talent of mine :). Anyway, you're not alone! (and I'm only 23, so I guess I'm old young too)

kels said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
andrea said...

i love this post. & people DO matter more than anything. :)