creative power

The other day I sat on the edge of my bed - the first moment to myself I felt like I'd had in weeks. I put my head in my hands and asked myself why things feel so out of control right now. I have never been one to meditate, and maybe this is the closest I will ever get - but it felt necessary at the time.

I realized that while I have so much going on right now in my life, maybe more than I ever have before, I am not stressed about that. I am not stressed about the looming possibilities my life can hold. I am not stressed about medical school, future jobs, future children - - Mostly, I am stressed that I will disappoint myself.

I have been on a Mary Oliver kick lately (obviously as seen here and here) - but there is this one quote, this thing that haunts me. It is the reason I am stressed. It is the reason I feel so overwhelmed.

"The most regretful people on earth are those who felt the call to creative work, who felt their own creative power restive and uprising, and gave to it neither power nor time."
— Mary Oliver

I knelt down and prayed after this moment, pleading over and over again,
"Please don't let this be me.
Please don't let this be me."


Joelle said...

This is me right now too. I hate it.

Good luck.


Mallory Camille said...

I hear you.

I feel this creative pressure all the time, everyday it pounds in my brain like a screaming child begging for discipline and escape. And when I fail at this, I feel like I've failed at my reason for being here. It will be my life's pursuit to sharpen and express my creativity.

Here are some recent things I've seen that inspire me:

Elizabeth Gilbert: A New Way to Think About Creativity-


And this article:


As always, thanks for your inspiring words. I NEED to communicate with creative people in my life, I love that blogging has given that to me.

Melissa said...

Oh mands...we all worry about this sometimes. Even if being creative is not something we worry about, it can be really tough to be good enough for yourself. Your blog alone is bursting with creativity, and I know for a fact that you do much more. You inspire me every day!

7upkels said...

Oh no, no, no. The last person this would happen to is you. Since I've known you, you've always been creative in soo many ways, (seriously lets think about this: the way you speak/and obviously write, your ambitions, our most amazing fall photo shoot you totally arranged :) your wedding, your ideas for your future home, etc etc etc...) this = creativity girlfriend. I think we all just go through phases in our life when other stresses feel a little bit more dominating and it's hard to feel exactly what you want; but if anyone can manage it, it will be you!

And PS. I am emailing you back right now!

Brittany said...

I just can't say enough how much I feel this too. Amen.