hard questions

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I have this thing I do with Kevin and it is morbid and I should stop, but sometimes I can't help but ask. I want to know how his life would be lived if I were no longer in it. If I were no longer here on this earth. (am I the only wife who does this?)

Would you get remarried? Of course you would. What would she be like? How soon? Would you be an awkward dater? Would you tell her about me? Make sure she is so nice. 

Where would you live? Would you still go to school? Would your specialty change?

Would you sell all of my things? Would you give them away? Would you leave it up to someone else to pack up? Make sure my sisters help you.

How long would you miss me? How soon until you would feel better again?

The other night I asked him, "Would you still have kids?"

He thought about it for a minute. I could tell he wasn't sure how to respond, and he rubbed his eyes with his fingers before he finally spoke. 

"Yes. But they wouldn't be with you."

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Ash said...

I do this all the time. And medical school just makes it worse. Because they talk about things like how you want to die, and advanced directives. We sat down and had a talk about DNR's and burials v. cremation, and what sort of life support we would be willing to be on. Which inevitably led to a conversation just like yours.

I think it's normal to want to know how one would piece themselves together if the other was gone.

IngridLola said...

Derik and I talk about this too. I'm terrified of him remarrying if I die because I don't want to be a polygamous in the next life ...

Kate @ Daffodils said...

I always tell my hubby that I would haunt him for a year, but then he would need to move on, my boys would need a mom. He thinks it is the weirdest conversation ever.

IngridLola said...

I came back to fix a mistake in my comment again. I should have said "in a polygamous relationship." maybe I should learn how to proofread.

Nicole said...

duuude. totally have thought this stuff too. but i'm to scared to ask. :) it makes me depressed.

may we all live long and happy lives with our boys forever.

happy wednesday friend!

Nicole said...
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AshCall said...

I think we play this game with ourselves all the time: wondering how people's lives would be different without us. I think it comes from our constant curiosity to find our worth in their lives.

I definitely don't think Kev would have an easy time getting over you. :)

Candace Stevenson said...

awh :( You're still here, lady! So all those questions are not needed. He loves you NOW and that is what matters :)
Lovely Little Rants

Katie said...

I'm terrified of Jeff suddenly passing. I think about that more than if I was gone...for whatever reason we just assume he'd be the first to go, haha.