7.30.2012

Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?



I just finished Mindy Kaling's, "Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns)" and I thought it was fabulous. Much better than Tina Fey's "Bossy Pants" if you ask me. I guess I just related better to it, and I thought she wasn't trying so hard to be funny. Really though, I already loved Mindy from The Office and her tweets, but now I am her biggest fan. She is such a real person. I swear we would be best friends in real life.

Anyway, she did this one essay that I loved because it is so true. I have a lot of married friends. In fact, the majority of my friends are married. And yeah it is hard sometimes, but what Mindy says is so good I have to let her say it. Enjoy you guys. And if you haven't read it yet - it is so worth the read.

C'MON, MARRIED PEOPLE:


I don't want to hear about the endless struggles to keep sex exciting, or the work it takes to plan a date night. I want to hear that you guys watch every episode of The Bachelorette together in secret shame, or that one got the other hooked on Breaking Bad and if either watches it without the other, they're dead meat. I want to see you guys high-five each other like teammates on a recreational softball game you both do for fun. I want to hear about it because I know it's possible, and because I want it for myself.


I guess I think happiness can come in a bunch of forms, and maybe a marriage with tons of work makes people feel happy. But part of me still thinks... is it really so hard to make it work? What happened to being pals? I'm not complaining about Romance Being Dead - I've just described a happy marriage as based on talking about plants and a canceled Ray Romano show and drinking milkshakes: not exactly rose petals and gazing into each other's eyes at the top of the Empire State Building or whatever. I'm pretty sure my parents have gazed into each other's eyes maybe once, and that was so my mom could put eyedrops in my dad's eyes. And I'm not saying that marriage should always be easy. But we get so gloomily worked up about it these days. In the Shakesperean comedies, the wedding is the end, and there isn't much indication of what happily ever after will look like day to day. In real life, shouldn't a wedding be an awesome party you throw with your great pal, in the presence of a bunch of your other friends? A great day, for sure, but not the beginning and certainly not the end of a friendship with a person you can't wait to talk about gardening with for the next forty years.


Maybe the point is that any marriage is work, but you may as well pick work that you like. Writing this book is work, but it's fun work, and I picked it and I enjoy doing it with you, Reader. It's my job, and it's a job I like. Tim, (friend who complains about marriage) on the other hand, had chosen a very tough and kind of bad-sounding job, like being the guy who scrapes barnacles off the pylons of an oil rig in the frigid Arctic Sea.


Married people, it's up to you. It's entirely on your shoulders to keep this sinking institution afloat. It's a stately old ship, and a lot of people, like me, want to get on board. Please be psyched and convey that psychedness to us. And always remember: so many, many people are envious of what you have. You're the star at the end of the Shakesperean play, wearing the wreath of flowers in your hair. The rest of us are just the little side characters.

12 comments:

Brissa said...

i've been wanting to read this book. i love mindy. i'm excited to get to know her better.

Kelsie said...

Oh my gosh I love that so much. Thank you for sharing it!!

Bridgette Wensel said...

Oh I love this!! This makes me want to be better! Thanks for sharing! :)

Erin said...

Love that! I've had this book on my wishlist for awhile now, and now I'm even more excited to read it.

Lizzy said...

I really love that.. even though I'm just new to this whole marriage thing. Thanks for sharing mands :)

Lovely Little Nest said...

woah, weird!

I literally JUST put this book on hold at the library. I follow Mindy on twitter and she is HILARIOUS. can't wait to read the book!

Magdalena said...

I need to read this book! Mindy is the bomb. The bomb, I tell you!

kate said...

Oh man. A-freaking-men Mindy. I struggle with "girls-night-outs" with friends talking about how hard marriage is and how awful their first year of marriage was (don't even get me started on horror birth stories! It's like a competition of awful labor stories!) I constantly feel the unseen eye rolls happening when I don't agree with marriage being "the hardest thing I've ever done" and hear the "well just you wait until..."'s. I truly love marriage. It really isn't "work" to keep our relationship in good terms. We are pals, simple as that. That isn't to say we haven't had to figure out some hard trials together or that we haven't had to deal with boat loads of family drama or that being poor students doesn't sometimes stink. We are just pals, it works out.

I think I said this to you once, but after any comment like this I always feel the need to say "He still drives me crazy!" or "We still fight!" but really? He doesn't. And we don't.

This is kind of a snarky comment, but go marriage!

Brittany said...

I'm not even married--but I'm with Kate. Go marriage! Life is rough, but marriage isn't meant to be the big problem of life. It's supposed to be the good part (with occasional hard bits, as all good parts have).

And I'm glad you liked this book--I've been curious about it, but wary of reading it because Tina Fey's book wasn't my favorite either. I think I'll have to pick it up.

Andrea said...

I finished this last week & I loved this essay! Its good to hear a celebrity support marriage that way, and I agree that marriage should be fun and great and appreciated for what it is. That was a long sentence.
I loved bossypants, but from a whole different perspective.

ashley. said...

inspiring. thanks so much.

Chantel said...

Love this post! I don't know much about Mindy but she seems so insightful. [P.S. I'm loving your blog!]