post-peru thoughts

I wrote about Peru - but an entire week can never be summed up in one post. So much happened there - so many different feelings, and individuals experiences and thoughts. But every time I look back I think of the same one. And it just sits there in my mind, and I think if I wrote it down it would feel more real. So here it is.

The jungle was hard for me. It was adventurous, sure. It was exciting. But it wasn't enjoyable. There were no doors to protect us from the jungle I could see right from my bed. Tarantula's skittered across those floors, snakes creeped mere feet from us. The heat and humidity was suffocating. We took icy cold showers multiple times a day, but as soon as we got out, the feeling came back. It was suffocating. I realize an "Amazon Jungle Tour" might sound phony but the truth is, it wasn't. It was so real.

Kevin tucked in the mosquito netting to my bed every night, super tight so no bugs or other creatures could get in. Then he doused the outside with insect repellent - a real health hazard. But then he kissed me goodnight through the mosquito net. It was the most romantic thing of my life.

The first morning I woke up, I was drenched in my own sweat. Disgusting, very. I live in Arizona - I am no stranger to sweat, or hot nights. But this was different. I woke up at 4:30 that first morning for our tramp through the jungle and sobbed. I wasn't sure why - I think the whole experience was hard, and a little scary. I was jet-lagged, I was hungry because the food there was terrible, but more than anything I felt so small. Almost lost in this engulfing forest that had a living, breathing soul.

And then Kevin knelt down next to my bed, and pulled my disgusting, sweaty body to his equally disgusting and sweaty body and hugged me so tight. The jungle sounds carried on behind us, and I think a cockroach skittered across the floor, but he told me it was okay to cry, and it was okay to feel these things. He didn't lecture me on enjoying the moment, or accuse me of ruining his experience (which, by the way, he loved every second of it.) He just pulled me closer to him, and fanned out the mosquito net and told me I was brave.

I realized right then, as I do every so often that I got really lucky 2.5 years ago when I married him. We're both pretty far from perfect, but he loves me a lot, and makes sure I don't forget that. I'd get lost in the jungle with him any day.