Love to be Had

"He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you."

- Bob Marley

People ask me sometimes if being married now is a hard adjustment. Every time I want to laugh. Of course it is hard. I come from a family of all girls - he grew up in a Bachelor pad. We don't agree on everything, we don't agree on a lot of things. We are two different people from very different worlds who dated for a year and a half and are sticking it out to be together forever. But ask me if I love it?

Yes. Every second of it.

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The Harder it Gets

I keep this quote above my desk at work. It reminds me to "Take Heart." A phrase that marries courage with faith. Something I need everyday.

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On Falling in Love

It's not as though we fell in love all at once.

There was the time I drew the heart tattoo on his arm, so he would wake up.

The time we waded through the New Hampshire river, discussing bad proms - and I worried that he would hold my hand because I wanted him to - - but I didn't want him to.

The time we danced under the stars in the summer night and fell asleep on a hammock under the same stars.

The time we were afraid to say goodbye, but we said it because you have to say goodbyes and they don't mean forever but they feel like it.

The time under the umbrella in the pouring rain and I was leaving him.

The time I sat on a plane with eyes brimming with tears and a heavy heart and clashing fears.

The time I saw him after months and I still fit in his arms the same way and my words and thoughts and love couldn't remember him fast enough.

The time he woke up on Christmas morning with bright eyes and messy hair and a surge of overwhelming overtook me.

The time he cried with me because we realized that we could do this. We could be together if we chose that and we chose that because we wanted it.

You don't fall in love all at once.

What would be the fun in that anyway.

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Julie's Wedding

Julie and Dj's wedding was lovely. Although it was the snowiest day in April, the sun came out for them to get a few pictures on the temple grounds. It was so beautiful seeing their happiness. They have been in love for four years, spent two of those years apart, and finally were able to be married. They are our best friends and we love them so much.

photos by Lora Grady Photography

Project Runway

I tried to be productive this weekend. No really - I did. We got sushi one night, played games with Julie and D.J, had family over for dinner and played tennis. But most of my weekend was consumed with watching the ENTIRE season 7 of Project Runway. (All 14 episodes). I could either feel super embarrassed about the fact that I spent 14 hours in front of my computer, eating Pocky's and in my pajamas, or I could celebrate the incredible artists that awed me through their designs and their production. (I think I'll choose the latter).

I decided if I had to be on one reality show, it would have to be P.R. The skill of the designers both artistically and technically is really inspiring, and although some of the designs were less than inspired, and the winner was my least favorite guy all season (Seth Aaron), I can't wait to go back and watch every past season.

Do you watch it? Want to have a marathon with me?

And if I won this, I would cry happiness tears.

Life Together

Sometimes I get so overwhelmed with life.

And then I try to look into the future and I picture us together,

and no matter what we're still together,

and somehow life doesn't seem so hard,

or so long.

It just feels like the things we do make life hard,

But being together is who we are. That's our real life.

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Baby Shower

This weekend, Heather and I threw our dear friend Rachael a baby shower. We kept it simple with a crepe brunch and a small candy bar. The guest list was small and personal, all of us being best friends. The perfect way to celebrate a new baby.

Courage to Blog

It is easy to forget why I started here.

In the days before giveaways, and sponsors, and formspring - -

there existed just me, a confused, lonely freshman who took her feelings out,

not on her roommate, although it may have happened once or twice (Sorry Lizzie).

Not on her boyfriend at the time who came to be someone she doesn't think about anymore

because the forever one was thousands of miles away in Argentina.

(She just didn't know it yet.)

Or on her journal, which sat stationary in the draw under her desk - willing, even desiring to accept her secrets but instead collecting dust, while the girl sat down at her computer,

afraid to sort out her feelings, because she was afraid of what might be in there. Inside her.

Doubt? Yes. Uncertainty? Yes. Courage? Enough.

She cracked open the computer, typed in the words -

And started a blog.

500 posts later, I am so grateful for that little bit of courage, that enabled me to find myself through my own words, my keyboard, and the kindness of strangers that have become my friends. Thank you, each of you who have helped me find my voice. For every comment that inspired me and motivated me and reminded me that blogging isn't to become popular or recognized or paid. It is to write about our lives and our moments and our feelings so that we can bless others and meet ourselves again and again.

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Wherein Kevin Convinces Me to Sell our Entire Living Room

For details and prices, go to my Shop blog. I kind of can't believe I am doing this...

Mastering Macarons

I attended my first ever cooking class (hopefully not my last!) at Sur la Table with my sister Melissa (who flew in mere hours before the class and came straight from the airport.) We have been wanting to learn how to make these temperamental cookies for awhile, which Chef Andrew Young our instructor calls, "The cupcakes of the future." While I am not sure I have "mastered" the art of macarons, the class taught me SO much and I am excited to experiment with different flavors and colors at home.

Did I mention that Melissa is pregnant? She is the cutest thing ever.

The flavors we made were: Hazelnut Macarons with Praline Buttercream, Banana Macarons with Banana Custard Cream, Pistachio Macarons with Chocolate Ganache and Chocolate Macarons with Salted Caramel. When I am brave enough to try them on my own I will post a tutorial. And if anyone is interested in the packet the chef gave us with the recipes and tips, send me an email. I will send it out when Sur La Table sends it to me.

Sisters

Kevin and I talk about whether we have a boy or girl first, what we will name our future children, how we will raise them, and I always say that I don't care if we have boys or girls, and I kind of mean it.

But then I think of my sisters, and how lucky I am to have so many who all love me. My mom always called them my "built in best friends," and although I didn't always see it that way I do now. In Little Women Jo says, "I could never love anyone like I love my sisters," and I know how she feels. So to say that I don't care if we have boys or girls might be a little bit of a lie, because I wish everyone could have been raised with so many sisters like me.

(Kevin would argue that brothers are best.)

Sheryl

I met Sheryl as an EFY camp counselor, the same time I met Kevin. She is a really special person and I don't say that about a lot of people. She is probably one of the strongest individuals I know and has done so much good in this world already. Every time she comes to Utah we go to Jdawgs :) and this weekend we continued our ritual. I always leave inspired and uplifted after meeting with her.

Sheryl and I in July 2010

Sheryl and I this weekend.

And if you really want to see the type of person Sheryl is, you can. She was recently filmed for an lds.org video. Watch it to be inspired by her like I am.

Why I studied What I studied

There was a running joke in my English program at BYU that went something like this: "Hi, I got my BA in English. Do you want fries with that?"

My parents warned me that there was nothing I could do with a BA in English. They urged me to get my teaching degree "Just in case," but I didn't want to be a teacher, I wanted to be a writer. I see now it was love and concern that spurred these comments, and I think teaching is an honorable profession, just not what I wanted to do.

I have been asked why I studied English. "Do you just like reading a lot?" people asked me. Or, "Oh that's great, do you want to be a teacher?" "Do you want to edit?"Or the fan favorite, "What are you going to do with that?"

What does anyone do with any major? I am going to work, and wherever I work I am going to contribute new ideas to my company. I am going to pursue whatever dream I have because regardless of what your degree is in your dreams don't necessarily change. And I am going to think most of all, because that is what any Bachelors degree teaches you to do.

I know being a nurse, or an accountant, or a teacher is more practical than a BA in English. But I tried the nursing thing and hated it, I am terrible at math, and I don't want to grade papers. I want to write books and poems and have children and teach them how to express their thoughts and feelings, and read them Wordsworth and Austen before bed, and practice articulating my thoughts accurately. And most of all, be happy.

You can learn a lot of things, but learning more about what you love makes you happy. Or at least teaches you to pursue what makes you happy. And that's why I majored in English.

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First Boat Ride of Summer

This Saturday we took the boat out on its first excursion. A lot of things remind me of summer. Popsicles, swimming suits, parades, carnivals and the smell of sunscreen - but nothing feels more like summer than boating for me. Since I was a little girl we would go boating almost every Saturday, and nothing feels like summer like a boat and the sun and the lake with my dad at the wheel and red vines and Dr. Pepper and the first icy cold tingle when you jump in the lake, and the feel of the ski underneath you while you zip in and out of this ocean that seems made for you and this moment and this experience exclusively.