Multnomah Falls

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One of the best parts about our trip to Portland was the hike to the top of Multnomah Falls. I thought the legend of the falls was beautiful, and remembered hearing about it somewhere. On our drive home I realized that it was in the book The Shack which I reviewed awhile ago. Such a beautiful legend, and a beautiful place. I highly recommend it if you ever visit Portland.

There was a terrible sickness that threatened lives of the Multnomah people. An old medicine man revealed that the sickness had been foretold but that it would pass if a maiden descendant of a tribal chief would throw herself from a high cliff above the big river and onto the rocks below. The chief was not willing to sacrifice any of the princesses, so he elected to allow the sickness to run it’s course.

When the Chief’s daughter saw that the sickness had affected her lover, she went up to the top of the cliff and threw herself to the rocks below. Upon her death, the sickness immediately began to leave the affected people.

Now, when the breeze blows through the water, a silvery stream separates from the upper falls. The misty stream fashions a form of the maiden, a token of the “Great Spirit’s” acceptance of her sacrifice.

Portland I

Just some snapshots from our weekend in Portland. There were so many good things about this weekend, but the food is at the top of the list. Someone told me that a bad meal does not exist in Portland, and we found that to be true. Pok Pok, Tasty n Sons, Jade and Pine State Biscuits were our very favorites. Our first meal (at Pok Pok) Kevin and I didn't talk for 15 minutes straight. The food triggered some kind of sensory overload. I could write heart-wrenching poetry about the food it was that good, and yes that is only a slight exaggeration.

We are already planning our next trip back to Portland. I loved everything about it there.

Thank you so much for your recommendations!

Portland Bound

For the first time in what feels like forever, I am traveling for pleasure and not business. For our anniversary I gave Kevin tickets to a BYU football away game and plane tickets to Portland. We leave tonight and I can think of nothing I'd rather do than spend a whole weekend with Kev exploring a new city.

Any Portland natives who have suggestions for us? We want to see the best that city has to offer.

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subconscious

Yesterday night for a few minutes it was so quiet.

Kevin was out playing basketball with the boys,

I was snuggled up in bed with wet hair and thermals, and I wasn't reading, or sleeping -

I wasn't even praying

although I suppose you could call my thoughts a form of prayer.

As much as I love the hustle and bustle of my daily life,

there is nothing quite like being alone with quiet.

When I sit there, I like to imagine my heart beats as the only sounds

on this whole earth,

spreading blood like Christmas cheer throughout this body -

and then my breaths rising and falling without a care -

happy to be considered,

and my own mind taking itself where it wants to go,

without books or television or other people telling me where to take it.

It is myself taking time to listen to me.

sometimes I guess my subconscious just wants to be heard.

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alone but not lonely

being married isn't so hard,

except that you have to be willing to make sacrifices you weren't willing to make before.

sacrifices that involve not being alone for long periods of time.

- - but you'd rather be with him than alone anyway,

you just don't realize it when you have been with him for a long time.

when you finally get to be alone you enjoy the first hour or so,

and then you realize that those sacrifices are nothing at all

because you'd much rather be with him

than with yourself.

you like yourself. maybe even love yourself, but not as much as he loves you.

besides, it is much better to be alone and know you are loved

than alone - really alone.

because when you are alone without him and he is somewhere else

you still know you're not really alone,

because you are loved by him.

you will find yourself wishing all that time apart would end already.

you are your best selves together, whether you realize it or not.

(and your worst selves too, just to keep things interesting.)

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cutest gift

My sister Melissa was afraid that after she got pregnant she wouldn't be able to go anywhere. (Something I can totally relate to - at least as far as marriage goes.) My brother-in-law Chris who really knows how to take care of his wife, gave her this piece of art as a post-pregnancy gift. It showcases all of the places she went while pregnant with Harry. I love seeing him at the bottom of the picture. How cool it will be for him to someday see this picture and all of the places he went before coming to earth.

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it's not personal, it's business

I have been in the business world for over a year now, and it is not what I expected so far. Having started in a small company with a lot of room to grow I went from being a personal assistant to the Director of Public Relations. These months of growth have taught me a lot about how to be in the business world - and how to be a young woman while you're at it.

The first thing to remember is that nothing is personal. I remember tearing up in meetings when I realized I didn't finish a project by deadline, or during a critique of my press releases. A year of business has made me much more tough. Everyone is just trying to do their job, and getting critique is a great way to show that you can grow and are an adaptable employee. When you take things personally you are showing that you are not able to take criticism. And there is no room for tears in the workplace. I learned that the hard way :)

Another thing I have learned is that it is so important to finish every task you are assigned. When you are young and in the workplace you are expendable - especially, it seems as a female. Prove that you can get things done on time and get them done well. I have made sure I can account for everything under my jurisdiction.

Don't be afraid to be a boss. When I first had employees to direct I was terribly intimidated. Not only are some of them older women, but I had men to direct too. I had a hard time at first showing them that I could do it. Then I realized that just because I am a young woman I know what I am doing. There is a reason I was given this opportunity. Delegating became easier once I realized that.

Something else I have done is set my expectations high for my employer. I have been frank and honest with him, showing what I have done, telling him when I feel I deserve a raise or specific opportunity, and telling him I can prove myself. I used to be so weak in the workplace. I would work a job for a year and not ask for a raise when I deserved one because I would rather get paid less and avoid the awkward conversation. I will never do that again. I think it shows confidence and a clear direction when you are not afraid to ask for what you want.

Lastly, I have made it clear what I am and am not okay with. Often I go on business trips with just older men and myself. During dinner appointments and tradeshows as well I am almost always the only girl. I have made it clear when I feel uncomfortable at times. The men I work with now respect me for that and are careful about what they say in my presence, and how they act around me. I feel like we have become friends because I have shown them that I am not afraid to stand up for myself.

It isn't easy being a young girl in the business world and to be honest, I never imagined myself here. But now that I am here, I love what I do and I enjoy working so much. It gives me fulfillment in a way that school never did.

Any other young girls in the workplace who can relate? I would love to hear your experiences/stories.

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wherein i read old journals before bed

My entire life I have written in a journal - well, ever since I could write. I filled almost three journals with the following entry:

"Today I woke up. I practiced my violin and piano and went to school. I came home and played with my sisters. We made popcorn for dinner and watched Robin Hood. Now I am writing in my journal and soon I will go to bed. The end."

My sister Lacey was reading over my shoulder one evening as I wrote and said, "Mandy - you are supposed to write about your feelings! That is what a journal is."

I was terribly confused. This thing I thought I was doing so well, I was actually doing completely wrong. That was the first time I tried to keep in touch with my feelings - and my journals have taken me everywhere since.

There have been times however, when I have not kept a journal and it is those times I have found, that I do not want to remember. Those times left empty spaces in my journals. There have been times when my feelings are all too encompassing and I feel there is no space to say what needs to be said. Those times have left empty spaces in my journals. There have been times of great sadness, where my lungs felt they would cave in and I considered it a success when I cried roughly twice before breakfast. Those times have left empty spaces.

But when I read the pages between those spaces, I realize that I have lived a truly extraordinary life. I have learned to record my feelings and thoughts. I have covered grocery store visits to the spider in the curtains, to a series of bad days I thought would never end. I have written about the boys I kissed, my musings at Walden pond and my first time I set foot in Grand Central Station, my feet buzzing with excitement, my heart thumping. I have tear soaked pages and notes from friends tucked into the corners. I have written, "Falling in love is simple, falling out of love is so much more painful," and - "He loves me. Did you remember that? He told me twice," and "In tears, she took the lei's and kissed each man on the cheek."

I wrote in my journal in Hawaii about how terribly I missed my mom. How I would sob thinking about her being across the country in Connecticut without me. I have written about the time I cried at the circus, because the acrobats were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I ended my most recent journal with a favorite poem by Hopkins - "Glory be to God for dappled things - ... All things counter, original, spare, strange; whatever is fickle, freckled (who knows how?) With soft, slow, sweet, sour; adazzle, dim; He fathers forth whose beauty is past change. Praise him."

It makes me laugh now, because these journals brought out the dappled in me. My original, spare, strange, fickle, freckled, sweet, soft and adazzled self is encompassed in these pages. And somehow these pages make me feel honest about myself and this life.

I have an entire Bildungsroman novel tucked into those pages. The story of how I became who I am.

look who arrived...

Harrison John Challis made his way into the world on Monday September 26. My sister Melissa and her husband Chris are some of the most loving, special people I know. I told Missy that baby Harry was probably bragging to his friends in heaven about coming to these parents. He is guaranteed more love than you can comprehend.

Just to prove it, here are some photos of his nursery. I love that it is clean and masculine without being cheesy or overly trendy.

Congratulations on his arrival Challis family! We love you so much.

what we came for

I attended a funeral today - my grandfather's, and my dad spoke at it.

He said, "Maybe we go along life and expect all of the lights to be green,

and we think that the elevator should come as soon as we push the button.

Maybe we think that things should always be easy,

and when they're not we say,

"I didn't sign up for this."

But we did. - - It's exactly what we signed up for."

This reminder was necessary. This life, this existence and this person I am becoming -

Is exactly what I came to this earth for.

I am exactly who I came to earth to be.

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things to say

I have so many things to say.

How my new nephew's face makes my heart beat fast and all I can think about is holding him and feeling his softness for myself.

How a week of writing technically and for advertisements is not the same at all as writing here.

That my sister had a birthday and it brings a lump to my throat to say it because now she is 21 and she is leaving me.

How watching my primary kids sing so loud in church was overwhelming and sweet - their tones the most pure and honest thing.

How nostalgic it is to eat peaches and sugar on my parents deck at sunset in the summer, a copy of Dandelion Wine in one hand, (but my eyes are on the sky.)

That being loved by someone who is forgiving and patient is more important than someone who is handsome. (although that doesn't hurt.)

How I have come to take care of myself, because I am the best candidate for that job.

How there are stories in my head begging to be written.

How much love I have for this world and this season and this existence of mine.

(these are all things i have to say)

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too much to handle

I have been kidding myself. I have been trying to bite off more than I can chew, and it is really getting to me. This blog started as a way for me to share my writing and thoughts, and has turned into something much more. It is my creative outlet - but also one that has been neglected for months.

My life has become increasingly stressful this past year with life as a "newly wed", a promotion at work, more travel, and more responsibilities. I recently received a time consuming calling at church and with teaching and freelance work and personal fitness classes - I am more overwhelmed than I ever remember being. Last night I got home at 11:30 from a busy day at work only to find my husband asleep with the light on and his textbooks surrounding him - trying to wait up for me to get home. The sad thing is, I leave for business to Vegas this morning and will be gone the rest of the weekend. I am spread so thin that I have neglected friendships and family and everything else in my attempt to "Do more", and I can no longer lie to myself.

I am going to continue blogging, but it can no longer be a priority. I have compared myself to other bloggers who seem to always have fresh content and parties and people to blog about - but at this time in my life that's not my focus. I would rather post less and post better. Thanks for reading, and sharing my life with me. I think as we all grow and our lives change we have to adjust the things we did before and make room for what is most important.

(and I think you will see me more often than you think.)

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mantra

Sometimes I emphasize beauty and fashion and perception too much in my life. Don't get me wrong - I always plan to beautify the space around me and I think that is a good thing. But I never want to let my possessions get in the way of who I really want to be. I think Marjorie sums up exactly what I want my life to consist of.

"I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails. I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp. I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbors children. I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone's garden. I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder.

I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived."

- Marjorie Pay Hinckley

I want a simple life surrounded by those I love. I want to take care of myself while also taking care of those around me. I want children who remember me being there for them no matter what. I want friends who know they can call me at any given time. I want a life of love to others and to God. I want the imperfect.

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Podcasts

I was getting a little tired of listening to audio books. The narrator's voice bothered me after hearing it that long, and I hate that when I want to hear a part again I have to go back and listen to the two minutes prior, which frustrates me and I end up not appreciating the part I wanted to hear again because I am so annoyed. Listening to books is not the same at all as reading them, and although it was good for awhile I am on an audio book break.

After a frustrating week of listening to "Party Rock" and way too much Avril Lavigne, a friend recommended podcasts, and while I wasn't sure what to think of them I gave some a try. By far my favorite have been "Stuff You Missed in History Class." They are free, easy to download onto my iPhone and so addicting. Aspects of history that I have heard of but knew little about, narrated in an interesting, thoughtful way with all of the facts. As nerdy as it sounds, I look forward to my daily commute because I get to listen to them and often sit in my car to finish after I've arrived at my destination.

So far my favorites have been:

The Disappearance of the Lindberg baby

Lizzie Borden and Her Axe

The Kidnapping of Patty Hearst

The Virgin Queen's Great Love

Gandhi's Salt March

The Amelia Earhart Mystery

Surprisingly, I have been inspired to write after hearing these stories. So many unsolved historical mysteries, so many incredible people, so many small events that made such an impact in hindsight.

Are there any favorite podcasts you have? I would love to hear new stories.

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